Good Afternoon,

I have one of those Thursdays lunchtimes where I literally have NOTHING to do. It does give me a perfect opportunity to blog to my hearts content, I tend to write this really quickly though as it gets my full attention.

VIDEOS
I might do a video called 'Shaving' tomorrow, I started to claim that I didn't shave in November because of  Movember (rasing awareness for a cancer charity) The truth is I'm to lazy to shave and it just grows.

I might make video of my shaving while telling little tales of whats been going on and reveal at long last that I'm going to actually make a thing of my channel. I'm going to do a cross between Harry Hill's TV Burp and Russell Howards Good News. One because I think it'll be nice to have a purpose to the channel and secondly I think my comedy works best when I can bounce of current affairs. Who knows maybe one day it'll actually be watchable. I won't have a format as such, well actually I might I'm undecided.
But I might do one on Monday one on Friday and my LoveHate videos, tricky tricky tricky.



MY THURSDAYS
.. are such odd days. I get a little bit of a lay in untill about 9.20 then I get up, play badminton for an hour, then have a 15 minute break of nothing, Film Studies which varies from watching a film or recapping the film we just watched, it's a pretty fun but frightening experience to say the least. Then I have 1 hour 40 minutes to do what I'm doing now and get all my email up to date. Then a lesson of theory P.E. People often look at PE as a doss subject I'll tell you know its twice as hard as my other A Levels, you've never seen so much theory in your life I tell you! Then I have 3 hours to have dinner record and upload my lovehate video, then I have to be ready for football for 7.30, get home for half 9 and the day is done. Its a mix of busy and bored.

YOUTUBE GATHERING
Coming up is the Festive Gathering a gathering that I did enjoy last year I had a blast with Tom Bacon, Ellie Calder, James Seago, Jack and Dean. As well as seeing lots of friendly faces throughout the day.
I've not been to a gathering since, I came back from holiday the day of Summer in the City and it was just after my time in hospital so avoided that one and didn't go to any before that because of time and money I imagine. I'm seriously contemplating going to this one though, I have said that if I go to another gathering it'll hopefully be one run by TheLoveHateSociety because we did one nearly 2 years ago and I loved it! I feel a little out of the gathering loop so going to one in 10 days I think I'll feel like a bit of a stranger, those who've taken Youtube breaks will know that when you come back its really hard to get back into the swing of it all. I don't want to go and be by myself all day, it'd be a waste in many sense of the word.


College
College is still a bit of a struggle to be motivated for, I've not really got much to do, I take 2 subjects that I'm getting on alright with but I still feel I'm there because I have to be not because I want to be. May can't come soon enough, then it'll be another chapter of my life done. I'm sure I've mentioned the difficulty of being older than the vast majority of everyone else, it's still the case but it's getting easier I suppose.

Other stuff
I've recently embarked on a website design course, I say design it basically classes to teach you HTML and beyond, it really depends on your progress. I'm glad I'm doing it though it just another string to the bow, and having lessons at night at a different college sitting next to my Dad is quite an odd situation. I'm hoping to develop something egotistical like DoctorBenjy.com but also set up GetFeatured.co.uk or something like that to aid that project. GetFeaturedGlobal is being announced one Monday (and now on my blog it seems) but I suppose when you're in charge you can do what you like! Gary and Jack have officially left the project, it's been an honour to spend so much time on it with them over the last few months, and I was very sad to see the both depart, but times change and you need to evolve to make things work for the better. I now have 2 teams of 3 on GetFeaturedUK and Global, it's nice to have it all sorted and both teams are gelling really well, obviously some people are baffled by the new system, a system that was explained in a video, but I'm going to make a video on Monday address these 'issues' and announcing GetFeaturedGlobal on GetFeaturedUK. Lets hope people recognise me!

Whey I've killed an hour of time and got lots of things out in the open, thanks for reading all 888 words ok its 892 now, this could go on to be honest.

Ben
x

Video October

So Video October, whats it's all about I imagine I hear you cry..OK maybe a squeal?

It's very obvious to what it is really, its like the October version of VEDA but I'm not going to be a cliche and call it VEDO. I'm making a video everyday of October

The reaction most people have given it is... well that's exciting BUT some have said and this shows the faith my girlfriend has in me.. 'you won't do it.'

I seem to have created this Internet reputation of someone that doesn't follow things through, which to me is quite odd though I do play on the gimmick a lot of don't involve me I might quit half way through. In reality and can't let things go and I work fucking hard a lot of the time to follow something up or make it work, the problem I have is that I'm quite impatient, I like things to be done instantly and if that can't be the case then I at least want to know whats going on.. I like a plan and I like things organised. Jack and Gary have learnt from GetFeaturedUK that I'm like that Elly has had 2 years to get used to it and I don't think my Mum and Dad really 'get it'. I want to work hard at 'Video October' I'm also going to blog about each video as well.. so as the video processes and uploads I'll write a blog to link people to.

For most people making a video is quite straight forward, sadly its not that easy for me and it's quite time consuming.
Eg.
I record the footage on my nice camera,
then I have to transfer the tape to a machine that records the footage into Windows Movie Maker, I then either edit it and save it  or just save it. Then I have to transfer the raw footage to my laptop so, by either sending it over MSN or Sendspace so I can edit it on Sony Vegas so I can make it look good in wide screen (so not to be a Youtube outcast) and render it and then finally upload it to Youtube, the whole process can take an hour at the least but generally takes 2 hours or more to get a video to you people.
So the plan is to film the video after college everyday, whether that be a rant or a vlog or a little sketch the video will HAVE to be of good quality. The only thing that actually concerns me, isn't time or will power to make the videos but IDEAS. Anyone that makes videos knows that the idea is the hardest thing to come by, so these videos are likely to be very spontaneously recorded. Should be fun.

I'll post the video on here as well so you can just come here to watch it or just be subscribed to my Youtube account, if you found this blog and just follow me on Twitter then I make videos here <-- click it and it will take you directly to my Youtube channel.

Yes so starting on Friday a video a day from me, I hope you enjoy it!

Also I've just thought this will be a good resource to do video responses etc I've a few planned actually.

Thanks for reading

Ben.

Sidenote. On a low point this has only taken me 10 minutes to write and I've 40 minutes to now kill at college. BOO.

Back at college..

Hi all and welcome back,

I say this every bloody time BUT I really want to blog more, I usually think this at about 11.30pm and decide I'm to tired to blog so I just well... fall asleep.

I have a feeling though I may be blogging a lot this college year as I'm going to have lots of occasions like this one, where I either have a lesson cancelled or I've an hour to myself. I think a year ago I would've struggled to cope being on my own a lot but spending the time I did in hospital, you're on your own a lot sitting..waiting. I'm known in my family and with Elly for being really really impatient, I don't think I am as much now because I've had to spend time on my own getting better and thinking about my life/health etc.

I've suddenly come back to college to nobody. I know less than 5 people well, obviously I see people around to say the odd hello to, but with everyone else gone off to work or University it's difficult to get through a day staying happy. I know how sad. I do quite like being on my own though because I've spent 14 years surrounded by busyness and friends and issues that when you look back on them mean nothing. I miss having the social aspect of course, and this whole online world is quite a good comfort blanket to go to when you need someone to talk to or just have a giggle with no real life consequence.

Although despite all that alone feeling I've got a lot of things going on concerning Youtube, a website which I now look at with wider eyes, I realise that it doesn't mean much and the drama that concerns it is needless, sure I share my opinions on the occasional drama with the rest of you but when you look at it, Youtube is a website for people to post what they like when they like. As I was saying.. I've got my own channel which is in a bit of a limbo, I'm not sure where to go with it and maybe these other projects will give it more direction. I'm returning as a member of the new Love Hate Society along with 4 others which I'm pretty excited about we had a chat about how things are going to run, the underlining point I got from it is that a lot has changed since we first started a couple of years ago, and because of that, as a channel we need to evolve while at the same time keep that friendly feeling we always had. I might as well talk a bit more about it.

We're going to run it in seasons, not like RantTank though, as the members of the channel are unlikely to change. We'll do a run of 8 weeks then have 3 off so it's not a weekly chore. That was my main problem with it last time, I loved doing it and the people on it were some of the people I really loved watching on Youtube. So it was great for me to be involved in a Youtube channel which brought all of those people and myself together. I think we're going to have fun with it anyway and you'll find out lots more soon.

Other things I have lined up is that me and Lex are likely to start doing DoctorDuck again, we planned to do it the other day but that went to shit due to Lex being hopeless :)
So I won't give a date for the next podcast as it could be tonight it could be 2014 it's a mystery to be honest.

Obviously I'm still doing GetFeaturedUK, it was hard to manage at the beginning and I don't think people realised just how hard it was, we were getting literally hundreds of emails a day with videos and questions. Now it's not so busy but it's still hard working sorting it all out and getting it together. I have to say though everyone that's been on the panel seems to have a great time and we've had some great videos pass through our fingers. I do feel bad that we can only feature 3 videos, I posted on the twitter the other day 'What can we do to interact more with the viewers' or something along those lines and Olly Newport simply put 'maybe feature more videos for a start' (or something like that) anyway the point is, I think he's annoyed that he's sent videos in and hasn't been featured. Maybe we haven't be clear to why we only feature 3...
Basically it's a matter of exposure, if we feature 10 videos then the viewership of those 10 is likely to decrease because its more for a viewer to watch, another reason is that we like the fact we feature 3 its a good number it means we can get a nice spread of videos from singing to animation, vlogs to sketches. It's a nice mix. I've taken a back seat from GetFeaturedUK recently and it's nice to know that Gary can cope without me and take a positive role within the panel and with the videos. An idea I'm going to pitch to Gary when I next get the chance is that we get panel members to help us present the featured videos maybe it'll be a nice thing to trial.

But yeah to sum up things are looking up slowly but surely I had a blood test this morning for my next dose and some people in the waiting room look ill, I didn't feel that ill at all, I felt bad sitting there looking at middle aged women and the elderly thinking, I know the feeling and don't know what to say, actually I just said to sum up and now im going to to make another point. A point I was actually going to make a video on and still might. I got on the bus yesterday to go home from college and as I sat down next to a man who must have been hitting 80. I looked quite relaxed before I sat next to him and as soon as I touched the seat he sat up straight and held the bar infront. Now I didn't look that threatening apart from being a teenager, but it made me sad that as a youth an elderly person feel scared/worried by my presence and that really hurts me. I wanted to turn to him and say 'I'm not scary' but obviously I can't do that because buses are the most social difficult places on earth as it is without me talking to an old man. Anyway I want old people to realise that we aren't scary people most of us are kind weel natured human beings.

Thanks for reading

Ben
x

Test after Test

No the title isn't in reference to recent results as I've not actually received mine yet. But it's in reference to BLOOD TESTS (I have to have these so they can send me the dose for the week) an experience I'm pretty sure nobody normal enjoys. I can say I'm used to them now and the pain is pretty pain free because my arms become like a rock in that area, I've just been for my Friday appointment which means getting up and 7.20am and I've done that for the past few months.
I vowed to blog more in August well a couple of days after that post I woke up with a shocking pain in my leg, literally wake up...............................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 
Ok Mum my leg really hurts, 
'Ok hospital?'
Nooo I assume it's cramp, give it half an hour...
22 MINUTES LATER
Mum I need Dad take me to hospital like.. NOW.


So off I went, it wasn't particularly painful but it was the shock more than anything and it was like a huge strain to straighten my leg out, which isn't something I do a lot, e.g. it wasn't all that painful to walk but I knew it was there. Anyhow I went in and was told that I'd have a ultra sound on my leg (the same leg that's been the problem for 8 months) this was actually my first test on it, a small error by the hospital I feel but nevertheless its found now.. what's found Ben?? Well another clot has developed/being left behind. That's not good, the hospital now think that I am prone to clotting which means that I'll be on Warfarin for life (tablets). Which means I'll be having blood tests for life as well.


Now to say that to someone who's 60/70 isn't that hard for a Doctor I'm sure because it's probably quite common in that age, but for a Doctor to turn to me and start with the line, 'you're very young to have this happen to you' It's a bit of a * :( * moment and then for them to say, you'll be on Warfarin for life, well I walked out of the room and sat and cried for a couple of minutes.
1. the shock of being told is like 'ahhhhh fuck'
2. those words 'for life' at the age of 19, yeah that hurts just as much as the clots.


Anyway they kept me in over night and I was ok to leave the next morning although I had to have injections everyday for a week which have now results in really bad on my tummy :(


To sum up and not leave this on a bum not, I'm getting better, it's just taking longer than I'd like.


Thank you for all the supportive messages on twitter and the like, your support really does mean a lot, although its the case of nobody really understands.


Ben x

I was going to do BEDA..

But as I'm on holiday I decided against it. Not that I'm very good at holidays in fact this year I've been terrible. The problem was that I brought my laptop to charge up my iPod for the 4 hour long car journeys through England, France and Belgium. I didn't expect to get free internet in Disneyland or here in Belgium but it just so turned out that I did, in both. Because GetFeaturedUK got a front page spotlight last Friday it was a bit like, 'I NEED TO SEE THINGS DEVELOP!' Oh and didn't they just, we got a barrage of expected and pointless hate which we just moderated and deleted so it was as if it never existed. Forget the hate though, 300/400 new subscribers about 200/250 positive comments and around 150 emails and messages about the project. I'd consider that Youtube a success. 
I few people found it ironic that the channel set up to bring back featuring was indeed featured. 
Not many people know but that wasn't luck... Youtube contacted us about 3 weeks ago with a proposition of maybe giving us a one off spotlight slot on the front page with a view to making it more regular, obviously we saw this as a huge compliment and opportunity to spread the word of Get Featured UK with the aim to promote as many people as possible on a  national stage. We replied with a few requests and many questions about the possibility and they invited us to Google HQ in London to discuss the matter further. We took them up on that and Gary met them about a week prior to the spotlight as me and Jack were unable to make the meet due to the timing of the meeting(not to mention my medical condition). The meet went well and we discussed various things such has getting it again in future months and other possible ventures. To sum up last Friday it went brilliantly well and are in talks to get it again.


I sore point for me was that we could only feature 5 of our 12 featured Youtubers on the front page. This wasn't totally our doing, we would have loved to have featured all 12 (Which is possible) but this wasn't viable for Youtube. We all know Youtube have copyright laws on footage and music. Some covers are even copyrighted because of the record companies coming down hard on Youtube. So if you were featured in July and didn't get that front page opportunity then I personally am sorry but there's nothing we could do.


That may not have needed clearing up but I just wanted to put it out there.


Now although I'm not taking part in BEDA I will make an effort to blog more during this month about what's going on. Things I've kinda got planned: Gary's coming to stay for a few days, me and Elly want to go to London, I'd love to take a boat out on the broads for a day. See a bunch of films such as Inception and the Karate Kid and finally get really good with a Diablo (picture)
I bought one the other day and haven't used one for about 10 years but I got the hang of it straight away, I can see myself getting pretty good then making an average video with it just being me and the Diablo. How romantic. 


Thanks for reading


Ben x

In less than a month..

Get Featured UK has featured 9 Youtuber's of different talents and brilliance and showcased them to a new audience.
As of tonight it has over 2000 subscribers to it's name
Nearly 300 followers on Twitter
A Facebook page that we finally got the bloody URL for today http://www.facebook.com/GetFeaturedUK
and a growing support which hasn't slowed down.

Each Youtuber that's been featured has felt an impact on their own subscriber number and views no matter how big that impact has been, whether it being KickThePJ or OtterPad, if they've 50 subscribers or 34 thousand Get Featured UK have shown them off.

I was featured in the August of 2008 which meant I was on the front page of Youtube for 3 days and I remember that initial buzz, I felt so proud that a video I'd made was being recognised and showcased. It was a video that meant a lot to me as I'd gained the desire to make it when my Grandpa died a month earlier. It's something I'm still proud of now.
          Now when Get Featured UK was formed I didn't want it to be 'New Youtube' or 'The Saviours' I wanted people to feel that same buzz that I felt, I wanted to make a difference to people on Youtube and inspire others to either make videos again or to keep making great videos to be proud of. Although we've only been going for a month I think we're doing that already. I had a HUGE fear that we'd get 10 subscribers and it wouldn't impact anyone, but we've had such name's as TristopiaTV, JerryHCooke, BarryAldridge, BillTVMacon, Lomasca, Alex Day and Charlieiscoollike help us out with promotion whether via Twitter or Youtube and the ball has really rolled. We're hoping to gain support from a few other people as wel to push the project along further. We also have promising news that we hope to announce soon which me, Gary and Jack are very excited about.

We already feel like we've achieved a lot but we equally think we can achieve a lot more.
We can't thank everyone enough, the people that have applied for the panel, the people that uploaded our initial video, the tweeters, the people that made their own videos about it, the people that have sent us videos and to the all people that have followed the growing success of GetFeaturedUK, from the bottom of my internet heart....

Thank you so much for making this work.

Ben
x

Back to college

So I'm about to leave for college for the first time in about 5 weeks its been a long half term break for me. With being at hospital for a week and then needing to recover for longer than was initially thought.

I'm pretty nervous =/

Not because I'll be seeing people for the first time in ages, but because I'm not sure how my body going to cope with walking around etc. I'm sure if I just pace myself I'll be fine but yeah tricky business, I'm not totally sure that this week will be worth while and I'll get much out of it. It'll be quite strange though because within myself I've changed my approach to the way I behave because I've had to and I've no idea if that'll apply to college as well or whether I'll be how I always was. I think I'm expecting myself to be quite reserved so I don't exert my chest to much.

I think I'll be OK but I just think its going to be odd.

Ben

Get Featured UK

WOW WOW WOW

OK so on the 25th of June I pitched a concept to Gary (CheekTV) to have a blog which could help expose Youtube talent. The idea developed and developed, the original idea never intended to have a Youtube channel but I ended up thinking it would be the perfect base.
I've been part of a few collab channels (TheLoveHateSociety and RantTank) and under the guidance of Tino they both went well. They both slowly feel down. I think the reason is because you have to hope 5/7 people post videos on the day they're suppose to and if they forget it can throw it all up in the air so its difficult to manage.

Since my hospital experience I had a long time to think about where I was going and how I could change things for me and others. GetFeaturedUK (A name Jack Howard came up with) is exactly that; it can change things, not so much for me but for others!. I made it perfectly clear to Jack and Gary that I don't want to gain hundreds of subs for this. It's not about that, its about the people of Youtube. The makers and the viewers. As has been stated by a few people I firmly believe that Youtube's UK community fell down when they removed the featured section. It was a shame because people had aimed for it, when the aim was removed the attitude of 'why am I doing this' came about for many. I've had my run ins with Youtube and Youtubers but I'm still around now, the reason I get so frustrated is because I've always known what Youtube could do and the people on it have so much potential. Myles Dyer does things like Stickaid and raises lots of money through the help of Youtubers. the RNLI targetted Youtube for good. Lots of things can be achieved look at the gatherings that take place in the UK hundreds of people gather for social reasons, people spend a lot of money to attend and share an experience.
People have questioned the project because they know it'll be a lot of work. A lot of work which I'm prepared to put in. The project has received 200 emails with suggestions and questions. I love that people care.

The people who have been featured this week are doing fantastic from it. Each of them are gaining subscribers everyday. Subscribers that would never have found them without GetFeaturedUK. I've spoken to more people in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last year.
I want people to be excited about a video idea. In 2008 I was featured for a video that meant a lot to me. I'd just got back from my first gathering, and having that rush of knowing someone appreciated what I did and cared enough to show others my work was the best feeling I've had from my Youtube experience.

99% of the feedback has been positive. There's been lots of questions that I intend to answer in video form as well things like. 'I'm from the US can I get featured' or 'I'm from the US can I be part of the panel' these questions are been asked everyday so I intend to answer them.

UK videos can be featured at the moment and only UK videos. Obviously in the future we would LOVE to make it a global project this depends upon success' of the project.

ANYONE can be on the panel young or old UK or US anyone. We want to get views from people that aren't just from the UK and aren't just in the tight nit UK Community.

I could say much more so I'll most likely blog again on this soon.

Thank you so much for the support its been so unexpected and so brilliant it surpassed all of my expectations.

Ben
x

If you've read this and have no idea what I'm talking about check out GetFeaturedUK here - http://www.youtube.com/GetFeaturedUK

The Exciting Project

You might by now be getting sick of me saying, 'THE EXCITING PROJECT.' Well soon that shall come to an end. I'm planning to reveal it tomorrow in video form. I did an audioboo on it which you can find here.


It underlines the basics so its work checking out before reading on.

If your part of the Youtube community and you're reading this. LISTEN UP.

I really really really really really want to push this and make it work. I'm extremely enthusiastic about it think it has the potential to really inspire people to make videos again!
BUT crucially I NEED YOUR HELP. This isn't something I can't achieve on my own, I need everyone with a twitter account, tumblr account and most importantly a Youtube account just to mention it and talk about it. Even if its just 10 seconds at the end of your video, what's 10 seconds to you?

If you have a decent subscriber base, remember what it was like getting a subscribers rarely? Then when you suddenly have a massive jump? Exciting wasn't it, a great feeling knowing that people appreciated and loved what you had to do or say. I want more people to have that feeling!

Whether you do as much as a video response or as little as a couple of retweets. GET INVOLVED!! please I can't ask enough.

The video will go up tomorrow and project - GET FEATURED UK will launch.

Thank you very much for reading

Ben

New Exciting Project!

The World Cup

A reminder: The video

A reminder.

Hello,

I've just uploaded a video called 'A reminder' which you most likely know because you've been directed here.

I didn't say everything I wanted to in the video because to be honest I was getting a little choked towards the end. I was in 2 minds whether to make the video or not, and without sounding cruel I've not really made it for my subscribers. I've made it for me, as a reminder.
So basically I had a clot in my lung which is still there and is been broken down by Warfarin tablets for 6 months until my system is immune to future clots and the current one has totally gone.
I've had a blood test this morning so they can send me the information for the next set of tablets for the coming week.
It's been a very stressful few weeks and months. For months I've had this going on but unaware to what 'this' was and for the past few weeks leading up to the eruption in my chest I've been scared to get it seen by anyone or have blood tests or anything that could prove something was wrong. I feel better now. Not 100% but everyday I get better. I can feel it.

The NHS are brilliant and I think I might make a separate video about them. I can't speak highly enough about them.

I just want to talk to a few people now, if you're scared about something happening in your body or life which you're are too scared to get sorted however small and pathetic you feel about it. Do something about it. I left it 3 months without seeing anyone through absolute fear. Within a week I felt a whole lot better through guidance, doctors and the care of nurses. People are around to help, so let them :)

If you want to e-mail me on the matter because you want somebody or maybe understands to talk to or you just want to email me for something totally unrelated, you can at doctorbenjy@gmail.com

Thanks for taking an interest :)

Ben
x

Changes

So the last week in no uncertain terms has changed my life, right now I'm not going to go into to much detail but I do want to share my story.

What I'll say now is that I spent the week in hospital recovering from something that happened last Saturday and has been building for the last 4 months unbeknown to me. I know how mysterious and egotistical of me not to reveal it now in hope that people will be worried. It's not its that. I want to tell people my own way in my own time but at the same time I wanted to post tonight because it'll mean I'm making progress.

I'm making a video tomorrow after I've been for my morning injections to tell my subscribers on Youtube about what happened. If they care then its nice to know they care, if they haven't really got a view or don't care, that's fine as well, without sounding selfish. Its about me, but I know it'll be easier with the support of people that have taken an interest in me for my comedy.

The main reason I'm going to blog about my time in hospital and make a video or two on the subject is to help keep a log of when things started to change so I can look back proudly all being well in the months to come. Also I think by telling 1000 people (a truer representation of my subscriber number although it currently reads 2390) I'm helping myself to keep on track with what I'm trying to achieve.

I know this is all very cryptic and tedious but like I say, its just the start.

Tough day

I warn you now I'm only blogging to get something out of my system Im not yet sure what that something is so if it comes out as a rambling mess, well I did warn you.

Today has been really odd, started off with an exam which didn't go as well as hoped, it just went 'OK'  but that doesn't fill me with confidence for the result.

Then ever since that I've just let out all my insecurities to Mum, Dad and Elly. Its all quite unlike me to be honest because usually I'm quite reserved and don't let the online world know what's going on with my own life deep down. I like to keep it all bottled up and just have a front that hides the real me from the world. I guess quite a few people who create an online persona are like that though. It's just like a comfort blanket for the modern ages. 

I was going to post all of the reasons that have put me in a bad mood but I only think that'll give me something to remind me of it (totally hasn't made sense but can't be bothered to change it) I know I noticed and still didn't change it, just typed out that I'd not made sense.

I've not pasted this all over twitter like most people do because I don't want people to feel forced to read 'I've never cried so much in one night' etc you know the stuff, I'd rather just keep it here and maybe i'll link the blog or something I don't even know. I'm in full ramble right now.

infact night x

An actual video

Well todays been a odd day, I woke up in a good mood had a nice weekend, did a BlogTV show that went well met lots of new people and chatted to them for a while which was nice.
Got to college nice and early feeling ready for a new week.

Then things went shit. I won't go into why but I'm not very happy at the moment.

Do you ever have those days? Where everything is going well you feel kind of untouchable, as if nobody could destroy your happy mood. Then.......BAM. The world shuts the door and makes you got back into a low mood.

I'll be alright I get over minor things quite quickly, they blow up in my face at first and I don't really know how to react then I think things over during a practice English exam and I'm fine. Ok it doesn't always work out quite as smoothly as that but you get the jist.

Infact I can't be bothered to blog anymore. Blog over.

my first audioBOO

Why not have a listen! :D

Young people.

This morning I did a talk to my English class for a speaking and listening activity, we were allowed to pick any topic we liked. Obviously there were the obvious topics done by people such as, Snowboarding and Manchester United, but I really wanted to push myself at doing it well so picked a topic which I'm passionate about but at the same time would challenge me to talk about in front of a group of young people.
I chose the topic of 'The Representation of young people'
A topic that is close to me, I like many others hate the way in which we are seen in the public eye via news channels and newspapers. I actually think that in Great Yarmouth and my college people are quite naive, don't me wrong I've a lot of friends here, I mean naive to the fact that things in the world can be changed. Too many people would rather sit on facebook for hours on end 'liking' groups and adding friends of friends. I knew that it would surprise my class by way of me picking to stick up for young people. A few people after came to me and said that it made them have a think about things. This was exactly what I was trying to do, as well as getting an A.

Knowing that I was to do the presentation today, last night I had a think of what could be done to give young people an opportunity.
I made the point in the presentation that one of the reasons we get picked on by the media is because we're vulnerable, we don't have a voice. Nobody is willing to stick up for young people in a major way, all of the political parties for this coming election are banging on about how education is important. I've not seen anyone actually talk and LISTEN to young people about whats going on now.

When questions are asked like, 'How do you intend to reform education for the better?'

the answer comes back as 'We have set in place for the next 4-7 years to have education compulsory up until the age of 18 etc etc etc'
That's great but in 4 to 7 years I'll be 25 and school and college will be a distant memory.
We want to be heard now, and for my entire time in education I can't remember one big impact on my learning to change it for the better. Its just a system I've been put through and still am right now.     

If I had enough support and knowledge I'd love to set up a political party aimed directly at the youth. It would be in my opinion the ONLY way in which we could be heard, its so possible to do, we have lots of great universities with people studying politics who could pass their knowledge on to others.
The education system currently fails young people on politics, its not a compulsory subject, its not taught in depth and its not understood in schools.
This makes in near impossible for anyone to come out of school with any knowledge of whats going on politically, so we can't make any impact until we are past our youth.

I woud love to get this blog post around a bit getting more people involved in the discussion, so if you can tweet it or reblog it or even better write your own blog on the subject, post it on websites on your facebook anything to get young people interested and talking.

And by all means post a comment below.

Thanks for reading
Ben

Telegraph 'How should I vote'

Its quite interesting that I came out UKIP.

I hadn't actually considered them until now. I'm still torn between Labour and the Liberal Democrats, I think I need one more debate :)




*I just checked the results including Cameron and his goons and the Tories were bottom of my poll thing.. there's a surprise.

If you want to try it out http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/election-2010/7541285/How-should-I-vote-in-the-General-Election-2010.html let me know what you get :)

Me.

Politics

In the time of the first General Election that I have been able to vote in there's something I'd like to discuss.

For years I've thought that schools should teach politics and now is a time where its as justified as any, because now thousands of young people with the option to vote either don't know why they should bother or have no idea which Party has which policies, to be quite honest its a mess. I've just had a lesson with my English class some of which has the chance to vote and the general opinion is 'Fuck Labour, Go Conservative.'
'Yeah cuz Gordon Brown fucked up the economy and expenses and shit, and Labour sent us to war'

America destroyed the Economy along with the help of Iceland.
the Conservatives were the main culprits with the expenses
and Tony Blair sent us to Iraq etc because at the time it was the right thing to do, now there are all these calls for us to pull out of Iraq. If you're having sex with a girl and then you pull out before the jobs completed, you know that you've let yourself down and the girl is fucked off with you. The same applies with the war.
Pull out now and the job we started won't be finished.

It's very easy to pick on someone that's done something, so of course Labour are an easy target for the blundering idiot David Cameron because they've done it. Part of me would love to see Cameron go in and fuck it up because I'm 90% sure he would.
I think the Lib Dem's would be a decent choice because I think they'd bring a fresh look onto the way the government is run.
Labour do (Despite what the media and Cameron and the critics say) know what they're doing.
It's a shame that the Tories and leading the polls recently but I don't think it'll last after Thursday.

Ideally I would love to see a hung Parliament between Labour and the Lib Dem's. Lib Dem's would be like the little brother of a family. The older brother Labour would control the main aspects of the country but will have a small injection of Lib Dem's fed into them which would be like a kick up the backside for Labour. Lib Dem have some good ideas, some admittedly unrealistic but all the same new different and somewhat radical idea's.
What do you think?

Dailybooth picture #5

I'm watching Barcelona vs Arsenal, good game so far and its 1-1! Messi just scored a wonder goal.

I've spent the last 24 hours or so with Elly which was really nice, shes gone home now but i'll see her again soon :)

Thanks for following! :D

Dailybooth picture #4

Yes there is a picture 3 But Elly hijacked my Dailybooth and this is simply a protest.

This must be the most pointless tea tray ever right?!

I've done hardly anything today apart from lay around with Elly this morning then after she went home I started plotting away to destroy France. I know what you're thinking.. Why the hell are you only attacking France when there's country's like Germany around!! Well, its mainly because I think they've got off lightly for years and I got an E-mail from the FAP (Frog Appreciation President) and well he's pretty pissed off!




Yes I've gone mental.

Dailybooth picture #2

I promise I won't stare in the next one.

It's bloody freezing today hence the fleece.

and a Happy Birthday to anyone who has a birthday! :D






FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW ME ON DAILYBOOTH
by clicking the word lemonade

Proof that I'm a street dancer

Plus, my cousins laughing at it. =(

Ben breakdances from Ben Carr on Vimeo.

Mondays

Lets hope this blog isn't as controversial as the last...
Well aren't Mondays just the slowest days of the week. I woke up late and when I do that I feel as if my day just won't go great. I had literally 5 minutes to get ready for college after I woke up and even then I was 15 minutes late into PE. A lesson which I literally did NOTHING in despite my attempts to get a quiz going. Mainly because I just love a good quiz.

For the first time since I left just over 2 months ago I was tempted to make a proper YouTube video. But then realised that if I did the people that give a shit, might not give a shit anymore as I seem to have an unwanted reputation to come and go from YouTube making a fuss along the way, although last time I stopped making videos I didn't really make a fuss at all. I wrote a blog, discussed it with a few people posted it on twitter. Bish Bash Bosh. I didn't make a video about it just left it be. But I know how people are so me making a video now, people would be like WOAH what a dick. So although I'm not that bothered about what people might think I don't really want the hate.
Although I know some people we be all like 'Do what you like' and 'I told you so'

I guess when I have a really good idea which I consider quite funny I want to express it. The other option is just to upload it to another/new channel. But I don't really see the point in that. It's certainly an option though.

It's funny that I could have produced atleast a video a week of decent quality with the ideas I've got/had but, they all go into the stand-up prep so atleast it's not wasted.

I've not played poker for over a week, doesn't sound that difficult I guess but its 1 week out of the 52 I intend not to play. Someone should bet me that I play, you'll most likely end up winning that bet.

END

Ben

P.S. What do we think of the new design?

I said I wouldn't do this..

But when have I ever done anything I said I'd do.

Blogging about YouTube pfft if ever there was a topic I wanted to avoid.

So over the last couple of hours Gary a dear friend of mine better known to the online world as CheekTV has hit the wall that I hit 2 months ago.
The sudden realisation that you can't compete with the pretty face, the egomaniacs and the cute hair. Many people involved in the so called 'Community' are doing it for themselves and nobody but themselves, why shouldn't they? Most of them are making good money and aren't at a stage in their lives that they can actually understand.

My personal opinion, twitter ruined the community. Strange isn't it that a website that has had a social impact on the world in so many positive ways destroyed an already existing websites community.
Before twitter you would help out other people out on YouTube with a shout out in a video to give them a little exposure and things were great. Now if you give someone a shout out, you're seen as an arse licking little prick or someone that just whores themselves out. When really where's the harm in exposing someone in the 'ultimate' way. Twitter has suddenly meant people look at a video retweet it and think well as I retweet you I expect the same kind of return. The bulk of the community are to busy looking after number one making sure their own back and subscribers are safe so that they feel they have some higher moral status over the rest of the online community. Well who the fuck do you people think you are?
For over a year I've spoken with Gary about what a joke YouTube is, so 2 months ago I let go, I still keep an interest in a few people because they are either entertaining or a close friend so hence why I'm writing this.
Yes people make videos to be seen of course you do, but its not that important is it? 999 times out of 1000 an A level will get you further than ten thousand views etc.

The top people in the UK over the last year help nobody but themselves most of the time, its horrible how Nerimon makes videos about Twilight sure for comedy effect but he knows its current and will scoop in lots of money for it, I don't blame him its just using the market for money. But that's not what Alex was about he doesn't need to do that to entertain, I feel he's lowering his standards by doing it. Even the most up and coming talented Youtuber for a while Crabstickz is having his video titles as 'SEX TALK' and 'Fancy a bum' Chris is good enough that he doesn't need to do that but knows that doing it will give his video an extra little push from the most viewed charts.
I watched the new concept from Myles and Charlie today 'The Zone'. And without beating around the bush, it was bloody awful. Slow, awkward, forced and sloppy. Such potential but little promise. Charlie isn't a presenter he's a face for 3 minutes in my opinion. Myles is trying to hard, I used to have a lot of respect for Myles he was the figurehead of the community to people a year or two ago, but even he made a video call 'HOT SEXY BODY PAINT!' come on people, Youtube was never about the views or whether you could get a TV career from it was it?
It was about sharing ideas and making video's because you wanted to, not because it could make you a tidy sum of money on the side and having enough subscribers to feel better about yourself.

Views/Subscribers/Twitter followers change people. So many people are different now from a year ago. 'Internet fame' changed them just look at their videos a year ago compared to now.
YouTube is just like school, social groups that others can be excluded from.

 You can't sell out from something there isn't a value for, but respect is worth a lot more.

I've been offered a chance to take my comedy to a new level and don't know what to do with these offers BUT, I didn't go looking for it, I didn't title my videos 'SEX HERE FOR FREE' I didn't force myself down peoples throats and I didn't complain for a year and a half when things didn't go my way. People let me down on YouTube because I expected to much from people.

Everyone in the 'community' right now will look back at there videos in 10 years and realise how much FUN it was not how much it meant to be popular.
I'm not jealous of these people I'm saddened that even an internet format can be filled with such hypocrisy.
I'm so proud of what I achieved through my video making 2400 people subscribed and I got featured in the UK and got made a YouTube partner. All these things make me smile even now but it was the respect I gained from people in achieving these things that make it all the more sweeter.

Sadly I grew to dislike the community for what it was, if you've read this and can relate don't let the same thing happen to you, because its not worth it. Make a difference and help people because you can, not because you think it might then help you. It was never about that, it still shouldn't be about that AND I for one would hate to see it come to that.

I do feel.../How to stop the internet paedophiles!

that when I spend an entire day away from my laptop that I'm behind with all the things I normally do. I've got 3 blogs to keep updated with life, football and poker news. I check certain websites that mean something to me or keep me entertained I read up on strategies for poker and other blogs and watch things on Youtube and iplayer just to keep myself current really.

I didn't have a laptop until I was 17 so it's strange that now I do so much on it, whereas before obviously I had football to keep me more than entertained. I just find myself behind just because of how fast the world of the internet moves.

Yesterday I went to see the Lion King in London's West End with Elly and it was brilliant, exactly how you want to imagine it being. I met Gary as well for a couple of hours which was nice, someone who is so different from me but I connect so well with its nice :)
I also like that fact that despite Youtube videos not been part of my daily thinking any more that I can still stay in touch with him enough that we can meet for something to eat in London.

In other news I was reading the Daily Mirror on the way home on the train (first class XD) and read an article from a particular columnist who said the only way to stop internet paedophiles swarming around 'innocent' children online is to bring back the death penalty.  He drivelled on about that fact you can tell people 1000 times to be careful online and they won't listen because they get some kind of acceptance online but THE DEATH PENALTY. Don't be such a middle aged prick without any knowledge of what bringing back the death penalty would mean. A few of the reason's the government I believe haven't brought back the death penalty is that one, bringing it back would mean the 'serial killer' would return, you could kill 1000 people and know that you could only receive death once for all of the killings, not only that but people on the edge who want to die but don't know how to do it themselves etc would go out and kill someone because they know exactly what would happen to them. I don't think paedophiles should instantly get death, a form of torture would be more appropriate I think, making them realise exactly what they've done.
I believe the only way you control internet paedophiles.... shut down the internet completely shut it down and act like it never existed.
Obviously this will never happen which is exactly why things like the recent Facebook murder will only become more frequent, its just the world we live in now.

Anyway I'm glad I've written it down although I could have gone on forever

Ben

Its late, and I have a chest infection.

At this very moment it hurts to breath so sleeping is difficult so the blog has been activated!
I assume the last 5 words of the first sentence were said in a cheesy ITV game show kinda way for drama and comedy effect. This most likely hasn't happened, but I'll make it a life long goal to make it happen one day!


If you just read the first paragraph baffled, I have no idea why the dickens I just spoke about utter tosh there.

Anyway, just thought I'd fill your mind with a little Ben news.
College is going fine, although I won't be into till Thursday due to this rather annoying chest infection, I've actually had this for about 2 weeks, and decided that the doctor would have a better opinion than me saying 'I think I've got a chest infection' I was quite proud of the fact I thought that's what it was but disappointed when he gave me MORE tablets :(

I don't think I've been on tablets for a few months now, whether it be something basic for a headache or something to cure pain or illness. It's not fun. Although I've just had like a week off college for half term, I think I need a holiday away abroad or something. Just me and Elly in somewhere like the south of France with no worries. If you want to hook me up, get in touch!
I just looked up to see the Rugby on ITV or should I say the mud bath on ITV, it just looks stupid as you can't tell what teams which due to the amount of mud its that bad.

Current affairs chat
Wayne Bridge didn't shake John Terry's hand - Who cares now, its finished lets stop talking about it press :)
Earthquake in Chile - Isn't it amazing that the world is still in shock at an event which we know is possible in that part of the world. Obviously my thoughts go out to the 700+ people's families that have been killed due to the disaster.
BBC announce the Asian Network and 6Music to be dropped - Oh please, yes 600 people will become jobless and that's awful for them BUT these things happen. Even the BBC have money problems, the argument is that 'just sack Chris Moyles' yes great plan people, sack the biggest radio DJ of the past 10 years to solve the problem of money issues. The advantage that the Asian Network and 6Music give to niche markets and up and coming artists is priceless. But the BBC must know this so I assume they will just incorporate that into their other running stations.

That's covered everything important.

Right time to try again at the sleeping thing. Night folks x or good morning.

Ben
x

Losing a sense of reality

Listening and watching a lot of news reports this morning they are leading with the story of Chelsea playing Manchester City at lunchtime due to the media reports surrounding Wayne Bridge and John Terry due to Terry's alleged!!! affair with the now ex girlfriend of Bridge. Now although the country have some what been pathetically gripped by this due to the implications of the World Cup this year and England's defensive 'worries'.

The next story Sky News BBC and ITV are going with is the Earthquake that took place in Chile overnight killing at least 73 people and has put over 50 countries on tsunami alert which could in total could surpass the problems that Haiti had. Our media continue to completely fuck around with world affairs and focus on something that will sell. It totally sums up how our media works at the moment. Never mind the world and life changing decisions and events the world experiences, but Terry and Bridge shaking hands which isn't really even an issue to the mainstream and in my mind will just happen as if any other game, Bridge won't look at him I assume he'll just do it like he's just part of an opposition line.

As a football fan and a massive football fan at that, I can understand the interest but to have it ahead of possible world devastation is obscene.

I might start doing more topical blog's as I've quite enjoyed getting angry lol

Comedy

I'm sat here on a Saturday night just relaxing really, the family went to Lincoln on Friday morning and I've had the house to myself ever since and will have until the morning when they return.

But now the updates out of the way time to focus on the title of the blog.
Comedy isn't in it's greatest state right now, its struggling to keep up with the times. Loads of comedians are doing tours and some very successful tours I might add but 90% of comedians are doing the same stuff. Observational comedy. Why? Because in my eyes, its easy. Picking at a subject and mocking it into submission. Yes comedians add their own personal touch to it and make it sound about themselves, because that way its funnier. I recently saw a comedian called Tim Vine. Some people may know him from his appearance on Live at the Apollo quite recently where he got a 7 minute slot to show what he's all about. When in fact he does an hour of basically funny, silly, jokey and witty one liners. It's all quite foolish but he does it with such charm. Some people think what he does is tacky and immature and well it is a little but I'm sure he'd be the first to admit it. He is extremely different to such acts as Russell Howard, Peter Kay, Al Murray, Mark Watson and Frankie Boyle. All who in actual fact are different in themselves. Just as a point of record. Frankie Boyle is fucking awful. Scotland, Drugs, Drink and Sex. Don't buy his DVD as I've just done it for you with 5 words.
But comedy is actually becoming a dying art. There used to be comedy double acts that would cover mainstream television such as Cannon and Ball and Morecambe and Wise. But now we have 30 mainstream comedians doing the same thing. This isn't to say I don't enjoy their material and that I don't adopt it in my own material but I miss the slapstick, basic observational stuff that was so prominent back a lifetime ago.

Since I've left YouTube I actually think I've become funnier in my approach to the world. I think the way I talk and the thing I come out with are funnier than a few months ago. Maybe because I've been able to not feel pressured into coming up with material, who knows? But I just think I'm a funnier person.

Right now, life is ok :)

x

This week

Has been quite interesting HANG ON A MINUTE!

Right hello, I just had to tell the boy sitting next to me stop tapping the table with YOUR HEAD. Prick.

So I've been playing poker again more and more recently and getting back into the swing of things my new rule just consists of don't play for more than an hour at the weeknd, because I always! lose at weekends. No idea why it just happens that way for me. I'd love to actually have this soley as a poker blog but I don't think people would give a shit. Blunt but true.
Ooo the head tapper just fell of his chair JUSTICE I TELL YOU!

So Elly isn't in college today, well atleast not right now so i've got some English and Media work done and feel good about my life at college. I'm hitting every deadline, doing things well and I'm happy college is going well and I don't want to say this just because I wanted to be able to but, since I've really cut down on using the internet things are looking up. I don't talk to the 4 main people I contact a like a daily basis, Gary Alex Jack and Ellie as much anymore, but I suppose I should have expected that. I don't speak to them half as much as I used to and thats something I miss.

I gave my twitter out on my DoctorBenjy twitter yesterday and I was really 50/50 on whether I should do it or not, I enjoy interacting with people on twitter when it comes to current affairs and that was the thing that swayed me giving it out I think.

I'm quickly going to talk about relationships because its just something I want to put out there. Me and Elly have been together for nearly 16 an a half months. Someone said to me yesterday might have been Gary actually, do you still feel like you're in the honeymoon period of the relationship. I really do, we both do we often talk about the fact it all still feels very fresh and new and neither of us and can it going away. When we spend time together we pretty much do the same things every time but as boring as that may sound it really isn't. Whether we're having a nice romantic moment or sitting around at college or waiting for a bus or just in the car. Everything is new. We talk about everything and anything. I love it, I love having someone who I can call my bestfriend and girlfriend in totally equal measure it all feels so right. I remember when I was like 16 (for me its a long time ago) that I would want a girlfriend that I could call my best friend and thats exactly what I have. It's strange because me and Elly didn't know each other really when we first starting going out, we only knew each other for a week at college as we were in the same media lesson. And ever since that moment I don't regret a thing. Its quite strange for me really because I was never the sort of person to 'rush' into commiting myself to another person, and even with Elly it didn't feel rushed. It just felt right.
I know what a loved up little boy I sound! Well I am.

I do wonder if the other people around college who don't know me or Elly look at us and think 'they look so happy' because we are. So many people at college look unhappy =(
Thoughts?

Ben

FRESH START

Here we go, if you follow this blog then lucky you, you'll still get a slice of Ben.

I might blog more actually, because I don't feel tied down by other things I've got more freedom to do this and say what I feel about anything.
All you have to remember is this, I'm writing this blog not as DoctorBenjy or Benjy but as Ben.

Will I talk about Youtube? Unless its brought up in mainstream news and i've an opinion about it no.
People are wondering 'why haven't you just deleted everything'
Twitter - I don't know, I've got a new account and for some reason don't really want to delete the old one. It might be nice to look over all the things I have ever tweeted in like a year or something.
Youtube - There is literally only one reason I've not deleted it. I was featured in August 2008 and dedicated the video to my Grandpa. That is why I can't bring myself to delete it, if that never happened. It'd be gone.
Facebook - As harsh as it sounds I got rid of all of the people I knew just through the internet but it's not deleted because I have real life friends that I obviously keep contact with.
Skype - I got a new skype.
Dailybooth - YOU CANT DELETE THE BUGGER!
Formspring - Has been disabled, You can't delete this either apparently
MSN - Same as Facebook.

Im guessing that the people that will read this are pretty loyal to me personally and don't really care about the whole video making thing so in that case i'll give out the link to my new twitter.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING TWITTER.
Correct
I left the twitter that held me to the internet world I have a new one which doesn't do that.

www.twitter.com/benofspades
Its private but if you follow me i'll accept

I guess thats all, I'm doing ok.
I think I know because I am not linking this to 700 people that I don't feel almost censored. And I never said I was getting rid of the blog anyway. Plus I have a linked blog to this which is my Media A Level stuff so I can't really delete it.

Ben

Fed up.

So you'll have been linked to this via twitter no doubt as I'm pretty sure people who actually follow this blog will have given up by now.

And can you blame them.

A few of you have noticed and I'm sure one or two more will that I have started to slowly get rid of EVERYTHING that holds me to the internet, its not who I am. It never really was and it never will be. I had my dreams when I was younger and they got shattered, not halted or delayed. Shattered. Literally.

I came to Youtube to start a comedy/vlogging channel in March 2008. Youtube was a different place, I felt inspired, my videos weren't up to much and well some will say they still aren't. You're entitlted to your own opinion. The main reason I joined the online community thing was to gain more friends and in turn have more things to do and more things to keep me occupied. Because in February 2008 I dropped out of college, this was because of my reasons so many people won't understand because I've never let them in. Youtube was all amount helping each other out. Its not really about that anymore. Pretty face and a shoutout from a bigger Youtuber and you're flying. Am I bitter and jealous, a little.

I have NO DOUBT that people will read all this and go 'fucking attention seeking little fucker, we've seen all this before and oh look he came back, hes bound to do the same' And if you think that fine. If it were someone else that I didn't really know I'd most likely have that opinion also, but to the people that will think this, you don't know me. Now that might be YOUR fault or it might be MINE either way its happened.

So yeah basically I'm cutting out everything that the internet holds me to, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Blogtv, Dailybooth, Msn and Skype its all going to become either very quiet on those fronts or just isn't going to exist anymore.

You might all be thinking, but why?

The people on Youtube in real life are lovely (majority)
Online people can be two faced, fake, over expressive, they might show complete disregard for others or upset people from things they say in a video or on twitter. People take it to seriously (I count myself in this) but thats because I got sucked in by it all. Some people think that because they're behind and computer screen and nobody can tell them what to do and they do things that are completely unacceptable in the real world. Bullying, Racist behaviour, or just taking the piss out of minorities. You simply can't and shouldn't be allowed to do that. But Youtube and its people are full of it.
When some people call themselves 'part of the community' I just laugh, because to me theres no such thing not really, yeah a few people help out a few other people but when it really comes down to it. People can't be bothered. It's all to much hard work.

Over the last few months some of the people closest to me let me down. Most of the time without realising and so can I blame them for that? Yeah a little bit because I felt valued as a friend to those people. Maybe I'm being to harsh or critical but its how I feel. I might just be repeating myself by saying all of this. so what. People need to listen.

Jacob Dyer. You are a fucking joke. You treat people like utter shit, you think that because you're behind a screen you can say and do what you like. When I met you in real life at the Festive Gathering, and after weeks of you saying 'I want to talk to Benjy' you stood around all day without even looking at me, until I called you. Then you stood face to face me without being able to justify anything you have ever done. Expecting me to shake your hand? Are you fucking kidding, you think that will just vindicate everything you've ever done, and its bullshit. You thought that we'd stand there shake hands and everyone would forget how much of a cunt you can be? No.You thought you'd go to shake my hand and knew id say no. So you could walk away saying 'I tried' We all tried for months with you and where did it get us, nowhere. You stood opposite me shaking. Because for the first time a Youtuber had stood there without a computer to hide behind and told you exactly what they thought of you. And you went home. Gloated that you'd 'won'. The whole saga with you is fucking pathetic, you sir are fucking pathetic. You continue to talk about me to people behind my back and make jokes and talk about me on your blog and formspring. Well im sorry that by writing this I've come down to your level. Next time you talk about me, tell people what actually happened. Rather than smoother my friendship that I've had with other people in lies and bullshit please. You know nothing about me.
I am officially done with you, you are NOTHING to me.
(For people NOT Jacob Dyer, I felt I needed to clear that up because I get asked all the time about it.)


So what next, who knows, I need to concentrate on college for a little bit. Get through the end of this year and take it from there.
If you've ever known me at all you know exactly what sort of a friend I am. I never treat anyone the way I wouldn't like to be treated. I stick by you. I make sure you know where you stand with me. And finally, Im honest. If you know me at all, you'll sit there thinking about it.

Do I want a song and dance about this whole thing no. I'll tweet it a few times to avoid confusion for some people to what is going on. I won't make a 'leaving video' whats the point?


If you've been part of my life over the last 2 years, thank you for helping me grow as a person but now its time to move on. By the end of this week it'll be like I never existed.

DoctorBenjy@gmail.com

Why give that out? Because I think some people do care about me and I want to give those people a chance to say bye. Thats if they want to.

Ben
x