Friday, 28 August 2009

Summer In The Ciry

Although in my video titled 'Im Leaving' I said I wasn't going to this gathering it turns out now that I am, its a bit of a journey though :( Not because of time, but because there's loads of changes.
Great Yarmouth - Norwich (Train)
Norwich - Ipswich (Train)
Ipswich - Stansted Airport (Bus)
Stansted Airport - Liverpool Street Station

Then a couple of tube journeys. So lets hope I actually make it in time.

I just got a letter saying I failed Science that's good news. It's not but I just can't help been sarcastic.

I really hope SITC will be a success, the amount of people going is insane but I really hope for the sake of the people that are organising it that it'll go well, but we shall see.
I'm going to get really sad though which will be a shame but equally it'll be the fact certain people mean a lot to mean, Im looking forward to meeting people that i've spoken to for over a year now which will be really good actually. I just hope i leave the day knowing that mean leaving is the right thing to do :)

So for those of you that are going, I'll see you on Saturday/Tomorrow :)


Tuesday, 25 August 2009


All I ever talk about on this bloody blog is YouTube or so it seems.

But this is something that I want to address all the ins and outs of YouTube.
Maybe I haven't spoken enough about my reasons to leave, although it's quite hard to blog about your true Youtube feelings without upsetting people. Its like an unwritten rule on Youtube that if you slag people/situations off then you get taken out of the community without even knowing it.

People forget that Youtubes just a website, yes a website with a difference you can't go on many websites and find a hidden group of people behind the template of videos. It does frustrate me the way people use what they have, because a lot of people waste it. People make videos in a vlogging capacity for 3 reasons and if you don't make videos for this reason in my opinion your a liar.
1. The attention factor purely out to get seen, in the hope one day you gain some sort of career and fame.
2. The want factor, you just want to be loved, been able to upload a video and no that you'll have 1000 strong quickly commenting and singing your praises.
3. For the fun of it, I say fun but to many people treat YouTube has a job.

None of these apply to me at the moment hence ive left.

These kill people, thats what forces people to quit. And with the 'new breed' sprouting up which I think have all done brilliantly and the majority deserve the recognition. I think that sooo many people in the next few months with in a way follow my path, its different for me I joined YouTube during abit of a strange period. There was already an established group and then there was nearly a year gap THEN a sudden burst of vloggers just appeared out of no where. And because of when I appeared I just watched it happen around me not really knowing whether I should try keep up or just let it happen. The thing is that my quality of video improved my editing was slack and jump cuts. WHAT were they?!
When I say follow my path I mean leave the site, maybe not admit to leaving it but just have periods of a few months where they'll lose all passion and just not be arsed basically. Trust me it'll happen to a select view and I can see who it'll be already. I don't want people to read this and be like 'oh he quits Youtube and suddenly knows it all.' No, its just i've been around for long enough to see people come and go and how the 'system' works.

Youtube is a like working as a bin man without qualifications. Yeah its fine to start off because theres not much else to do, but soon it becomes a routine that you cant get out of, when people say this as an opening line of a video its time to take a long break or stop. 'Sorry ive been a away for ages i thought it was time i made a video for you guys'
Yes your making videos to show off to subscribers but it shouldnt be to impress them they are already subscribed its about pushing new limits with videos.

'Famous Youtubers'
Thats right they are famous Youtubers, but when people treat them like royality its a fucking joke. If you went up to someone in the street and said, Have you seen the new Smosh video, they'd look at you and laugh in your face. Youtube is a entirely different world. Its built on egos, depression and the want to be loved. Saying this its also built on talented musicans comedians film makers and unique video vloggers with certain styles that make them something different which makes you want to watch. But they all have these traits somewhere.

I can't wait to go to Summer in the City and say lots of goodbyes to people, ill miss the fuck out of some people and knowing that I wont see any of them again really hurts, but at the same time it'll be the same group mentality which occasionally ive fallen victim to. When people dont come to gathering people are almost offended that they have a social life not revolving around Youtube. If your reading this now and are going to SITC. Come and talk to me please, no matter who you are it doesnt matter to me. I want to talk to everyone if I get the chance.

Its inevatable that people will disagree with what ive said and some people will agree with what ive said. Its fine. Its my opinion it can be contrived but its never wrong its just OPINION.

Thank you for reading and please comment and let me know what you think :)


Monday, 24 August 2009

Thank you all lots.

So it's been a few days since I announced id leave Youtube and well the support I've received is just overwhelming. I've read every comment and message and blog comment believe me, and although as of this moment im still sort of taking in the response and I will reply to everything :) just give a day or so.

Some people seem to be confused when I say I lack support, I dont mean the support of the peas your all brilliant and you've been a pleasure to interact with. Its more that I dont have the support of the people with say 8000 subscribers or more to push me to the next level. So i'm stuck working hard with no reward because it feels like nobody wants to give me a break for whatever reason, I'm not bitter but when you start to feel like nobody wants to help obviously it sets you back a little.

With the things i've said over the last few days, at no point have I tried to come across as jealous, arrogant or simply looking for attention, I just wanted to move forward with things over the last 2/3 months and haven't and felt it was time to be realistic. If your thinking that you dont no whether or not to talk to me etc in messages or skype PLEASE DO! My skype is 'BenjyCarr'
I love talking to new people and hearing what you all have to say its been a breath of fresh air to hear all of your views and i'll be honest I didn't ever realise how much people cared :(

Thanks again


P.S. I'll be updating this a lot more now it'll end up been the place where I talk about things that id usually make a video about its just nice to have a form of input. So feel free to favourite this page or put it on your google reader etc I dont really know how people keep up with blogs.


Friday, 21 August 2009

Lets have a little chat.

So I assume a few people are totally confused to why I've got rid of everything on my Youtube channel, well I think people deserve to know why. Firstly let me say I'm not doing or saying anything for attention I'm just going to let people know how I feel about things.

Ive been on Youtube over a year and a half.
Ive got a following of apparently 1500 people, which if you know me at all then you understand how much they/you all mean to me.
Right now I don't feel wanted and if I'm honest with myself I don't really think I ever have. Yes I've met some incredibly people on the way and yes I get on with 99% of people on Youtube, but theres a difference between been wanted and been known. In my time on Youtube right now, I don't care. I feel everything is just a struggle, I'm not doing well as far as stats are concerning etc, I've put work in and I'm basically not getting the return that I want. I get people saying 'you deserve more subs' and part of me thinks yes I do, but that doesn't give me 10,000. I've never seen subscribers as a trophy, I see them as a group of people that enjoy what I do. Have I got regrets from things I've done on Youtube. YES! I wish Id spoken my mind more, been myself more and kept in touch with people more. Theres a list of people that mean the most to me without even knowing it and the people on Youtube that have changed my view on things, and I wouldn't usually do this but I'll name them.

Jess(xbrokenmindedx) who to most people is old school, helped me out when I first got going and I won't forget that.

The people that used to come into my Stickam rooms and that I became friends with and wish I was closer to now, Darren Jade Pav Chris Rory Sophie and many others.

NSG, the person that inspires me to reach for things and really try to get them, someone I was so nervous about meeting and ended up realising their one of the nicest people ive ever met.

Alex Day and Jimmy Hill. (Nerimon + Jimmy0010) 2 people who I really admired when I first started out, Although Jimmys gone slightly AWOL over the last year and Alex's videos ha vent been to my particular taste etc, I haven't forgotten about the influence they had on me.

Youstage (Gathering) - The people that I met at this gathering were amazing I got closer to people I admired and found out how well a group of Internet obsessed people could get on in the real world for 3 days straight and equally share my 18th Birthday with me :)

The new breed - To which there are so many people, you might not even consider yourself in that group. But you know who you are im sure. People that I met at Youstage, Uncliche Gathering and most recently The Love Hate Society Gathering. You have all helped me along the way with things some of you rose to quickly for my liking, and yes part of me is most likely jealous of this fact, but I still respect all of you for having the drive to make things work.

The people I have gotten close to over the last few months most notably Gary, Tino and one or 2 others that have really made an impact on my life, been someone to talk to even though you don't think anything of it at the time you make things easier.

Basically theres been lots of people that have been on the journey with me and most recently the BLOGTVers and the Peas! You've keep me going over the last few weeks and you surely all know how much I think of you all.
Theres lots of people I haven't mentioned in this blog that I know I should, and if you ever think I ha vent paid you enough attention or I've been distant with you then believe me that's never what I've wanted. If I had it my way I'd get to know all of you people that follow what I do and support me, even if I've never said thank you, just be safe in the knowledge that im thankful for everything however big or small.

And what happens now.
I've officially quit thelovehatesociety and have already got a replacement that I know will do an amazing job :)
I'll still keep an eye on my channel as I don't what to lose touch with some people, just remember if you need help with anything or just need the Doctor to give you a bit of advice you know exactly where I am :) Skype: BenjyCarr lol

Ill look at what I want to do in December or something or the new year, and maybe you'll see a new Benjy :)

Thank you for reading this and sticking with it

Ben xxx

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Monday, 10 August 2009

A stressful morning


So this morning ive had a nightmare of a time, Windows Service Package 3 or something was installed on my PC and well that meant Windows Movie Maker basically said 'Fuck off Ben' and only within the last 10 minutes have I got it sorted it only took me 3 hours =/

So over the weekend i've been filming for Great Yarmouth Tourism and the UK Volleyball Championships so I can make a few clips/videos to send away to the British Olimpic commity for 2012 I filmed for hours and got 40 minutes of footage which i imagine 30 minutes worth is use-worthy but it was a good event so I think it'll come out well.

I've got to sort out Tuesdays video about the Dentists tomorrow, im getting a little frustrated with the lack of support I get from some people, like its fine that people are busy during the summer, but i need a bit of help at the moment so if you could help out where you can that'll be great :)

I might start doing BlogTv shows on Mondays as thats the day when most people are about I think so yeah comment the blog or @reply me on twitter and let me know.

I'll try and blog every day for the rest of the summer but promises I try to keep with my blog just go wrong and I forget about things.


Wednesday, 5 August 2009