So I assume a few people are totally confused to why I've got rid of everything on my Youtube channel, well I think people deserve to know why. Firstly let me say I'm not doing or saying anything for attention I'm just going to let people know how I feel about things.
Ive been on Youtube over a year and a half.
Ive got a following of apparently 1500 people, which if you know me at all then you understand how much they/you all mean to me.
Right now I don't feel wanted and if I'm honest with myself I don't really think I ever have. Yes I've met some incredibly people on the way and yes I get on with 99% of people on Youtube, but theres a difference between been wanted and been known. In my time on Youtube right now, I don't care. I feel everything is just a struggle, I'm not doing well as far as stats are concerning etc, I've put work in and I'm basically not getting the return that I want. I get people saying 'you deserve more subs' and part of me thinks yes I do, but that doesn't give me 10,000. I've never seen subscribers as a trophy, I see them as a group of people that enjoy what I do. Have I got regrets from things I've done on Youtube. YES! I wish Id spoken my mind more, been myself more and kept in touch with people more. Theres a list of people that mean the most to me without even knowing it and the people on Youtube that have changed my view on things, and I wouldn't usually do this but I'll name them.
Jess(xbrokenmindedx) who to most people is old school, helped me out when I first got going and I won't forget that.
The people that used to come into my Stickam rooms and that I became friends with and wish I was closer to now, Darren Jade Pav Chris Rory Sophie and many others.
NSG, the person that inspires me to reach for things and really try to get them, someone I was so nervous about meeting and ended up realising their one of the nicest people ive ever met.
Alex Day and Jimmy Hill. (Nerimon + Jimmy0010) 2 people who I really admired when I first started out, Although Jimmys gone slightly AWOL over the last year and Alex's videos ha vent been to my particular taste etc, I haven't forgotten about the influence they had on me.
Youstage (Gathering) - The people that I met at this gathering were amazing I got closer to people I admired and found out how well a group of Internet obsessed people could get on in the real world for 3 days straight and equally share my 18th Birthday with me :)
The new breed - To which there are so many people, you might not even consider yourself in that group. But you know who you are im sure. People that I met at Youstage, Uncliche Gathering and most recently The Love Hate Society Gathering. You have all helped me along the way with things some of you rose to quickly for my liking, and yes part of me is most likely jealous of this fact, but I still respect all of you for having the drive to make things work.
The people I have gotten close to over the last few months most notably Gary, Tino and one or 2 others that have really made an impact on my life, been someone to talk to even though you don't think anything of it at the time you make things easier.
Basically theres been lots of people that have been on the journey with me and most recently the BLOGTVers and the Peas! You've keep me going over the last few weeks and you surely all know how much I think of you all.
Theres lots of people I haven't mentioned in this blog that I know I should, and if you ever think I ha vent paid you enough attention or I've been distant with you then believe me that's never what I've wanted. If I had it my way I'd get to know all of you people that follow what I do and support me, even if I've never said thank you, just be safe in the knowledge that im thankful for everything however big or small.
And what happens now.
I've officially quit thelovehatesociety and have already got a replacement that I know will do an amazing job :)
I'll still keep an eye on my channel as I don't what to lose touch with some people, just remember if you need help with anything or just need the Doctor to give you a bit of advice you know exactly where I am :) Skype: BenjyCarr lol
Ill look at what I want to do in December or something or the new year, and maybe you'll see a new Benjy :)
Thank you for reading this and sticking with it