A reminder.

Hello,

I've just uploaded a video called 'A reminder' which you most likely know because you've been directed here.

I didn't say everything I wanted to in the video because to be honest I was getting a little choked towards the end. I was in 2 minds whether to make the video or not, and without sounding cruel I've not really made it for my subscribers. I've made it for me, as a reminder.
So basically I had a clot in my lung which is still there and is been broken down by Warfarin tablets for 6 months until my system is immune to future clots and the current one has totally gone.
I've had a blood test this morning so they can send me the information for the next set of tablets for the coming week.
It's been a very stressful few weeks and months. For months I've had this going on but unaware to what 'this' was and for the past few weeks leading up to the eruption in my chest I've been scared to get it seen by anyone or have blood tests or anything that could prove something was wrong. I feel better now. Not 100% but everyday I get better. I can feel it.

The NHS are brilliant and I think I might make a separate video about them. I can't speak highly enough about them.

I just want to talk to a few people now, if you're scared about something happening in your body or life which you're are too scared to get sorted however small and pathetic you feel about it. Do something about it. I left it 3 months without seeing anyone through absolute fear. Within a week I felt a whole lot better through guidance, doctors and the care of nurses. People are around to help, so let them :)

If you want to e-mail me on the matter because you want somebody or maybe understands to talk to or you just want to email me for something totally unrelated, you can at doctorbenjy@gmail.com

Thanks for taking an interest :)

Ben
x

Changes

So the last week in no uncertain terms has changed my life, right now I'm not going to go into to much detail but I do want to share my story.

What I'll say now is that I spent the week in hospital recovering from something that happened last Saturday and has been building for the last 4 months unbeknown to me. I know how mysterious and egotistical of me not to reveal it now in hope that people will be worried. It's not its that. I want to tell people my own way in my own time but at the same time I wanted to post tonight because it'll mean I'm making progress.

I'm making a video tomorrow after I've been for my morning injections to tell my subscribers on Youtube about what happened. If they care then its nice to know they care, if they haven't really got a view or don't care, that's fine as well, without sounding selfish. Its about me, but I know it'll be easier with the support of people that have taken an interest in me for my comedy.

The main reason I'm going to blog about my time in hospital and make a video or two on the subject is to help keep a log of when things started to change so I can look back proudly all being well in the months to come. Also I think by telling 1000 people (a truer representation of my subscriber number although it currently reads 2390) I'm helping myself to keep on track with what I'm trying to achieve.

I know this is all very cryptic and tedious but like I say, its just the start.

Tough day

I warn you now I'm only blogging to get something out of my system Im not yet sure what that something is so if it comes out as a rambling mess, well I did warn you.

Today has been really odd, started off with an exam which didn't go as well as hoped, it just went 'OK'  but that doesn't fill me with confidence for the result.

Then ever since that I've just let out all my insecurities to Mum, Dad and Elly. Its all quite unlike me to be honest because usually I'm quite reserved and don't let the online world know what's going on with my own life deep down. I like to keep it all bottled up and just have a front that hides the real me from the world. I guess quite a few people who create an online persona are like that though. It's just like a comfort blanket for the modern ages. 

I was going to post all of the reasons that have put me in a bad mood but I only think that'll give me something to remind me of it (totally hasn't made sense but can't be bothered to change it) I know I noticed and still didn't change it, just typed out that I'd not made sense.

I've not pasted this all over twitter like most people do because I don't want people to feel forced to read 'I've never cried so much in one night' etc you know the stuff, I'd rather just keep it here and maybe i'll link the blog or something I don't even know. I'm in full ramble right now.

infact night x