DoctorBenjy: I'll blog you now.

Excuse me Sir.

2012-01-23T20:35:00.001Z

Evening all,

So tomorrow I embark on a course to become a SIA (Security Industry Authority) steward, it'll be something totally different for me but something I'm looking forward too. It's effectively the first step to other things for me it can lead to plenty of different avenues and will open doors I'd previous never even gone towards.

It lasts 4 days 9-5, I've not really had a solid routine for ages so I'll enjoy getting up at 7 every day for the week. I'm actually going it with my Dad and a couple of his work colleagues, every summer Great Yarmouth puts on a weekly fireworks display for free for locals and tourists, I've stewarded it for the last 5/6 years but never had any official training as it's not required. My Dad thought it'd be a good idea if a few of his team did the course to be better prepared and roped me in to take part too!

I'm quite nervous, it's run by three former army officers and I can't be doing with doing press ups every 5 minutes because I've chatted back sarcastically/comedically, but hey I guess I'd deserve that sort of treatment if I were to give them a dose of Ricky Gervais.

Anyway I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow night :)

Ben

Don't force it | Finally got it! (Youtube)

2012-01-22T22:43:00.000Z

Although I said I'd post on this blog a lot more, and well if you look at it statistically, I have, I've come to the conclusion not to force these. It'll become boring and tiresome to do, and I want to enjoy blogging not find it a pain at the end of each day. Credit to Elly, she's done really well, everyday since the beginning of the year!

I'm currently watching 127 hours, basically it's about a man who has to cut off his own arm to escape from it being trapped in a rock. It's not the greatest prep for a blood test tomorrow but it makes my blood being taken look like being cover in feathers.

I've been writing videos this week, I've got a couple that I think I'll post soon. I think I've finally come up with something to base my channel around, it's only taken 3/4 years of any old shit to get to this point but I may have a little bit of a niche.
I'm literally going to ONLY do collabs on my channel. Not those collaborations that consist of me saying, 'What is your happiest childhood memory?' for 25 people to give thought through answers, no no no. I'm going to write little 1/2 minute sketches and be like the answer to all of your problems (COMEDICALLY) . I think the art of collaborations has kind of evaporated in recent memory. I want people new and old of youtube to be part of the videos, whether I know you or not, the main point though will be quality. IT HAS TO BE A GOOD VIDEO. I won't be afraid to tell people, 'your end isn't good enough'. Quality control is one the most important aspects of Youtube.

So there's the plan, collaborations. I'm going to write every single one or at least write with the person involved. I think it'll be good, I've got a few people in mind that I'd like to be involved :)

Soon

Ben

Saturdays 3 o'clock | Football a taboo?

2012-01-14T14:19:00.000Z

My favourite time of the week, (along with Elly coming round on Friday evenings)

I just get a buzz from it, the lead up on a Saturday, I wake up thinking oooo what games am I watching today, much to Elly's disgust but it's just something I live for. My love for the time is strange really, I don't think there are many people in this world who love a time so much, I imagine football fans around the country do have similar feelings but not many of those people read my blog. (At least I think that's the case)

Today I'll be watching a cross between Liverpool and Norwich, both clubs very close to my heart and both in the same division for only the 3rd time in my footballing lifetime. It's exciting, both teams with different goals, one wants to be at the top of the division although that's a long way away from happening right now. The other, Norwich, they want to remain in the division and push on for the future because of it's financial benefits.

I've always avoided blogging about football on my internet personality profiling sites. - Is that even a sentence that makes any sense?

The reason is purely because I don't want to talk about things that interest a minority, football is almost a taboo on Youtube. People go on about Doctor Who and Harry Potter till it's coming out of their arse and I get it rammed down my throat on twitter/youtube everyday, it's practically unavoidable. Thats something that bugs me about Nerdfighters and I'll blog about them tomorrow actually, or at least the 'cult' of people it engulfs, so I'll expect some backlash tomorrow. Although I don't intend on offending anyone, just making an opinion more official. I've thought this about them for a while, I've just never written it down.

This has been quite a mixed blog but it's done now, time to role on the football!

Ben

Youtube Subscription Numbers

2012-01-11T21:58:00.001Z

Evening blog fans!

So if you believe what Youtube say.. they're going to remove all the dead accounts from Youtube.
- Read more about it here-

Meaning, if you've had an account for a number of years and not signed in without uploading videos it will disappear forever, until someone takes the name. This in turn means for people that have been on the site for a long time, a dip in numbers in inevitable. I imagine I'll be losing close to 1000 subscribers, maybe more maybe less. Quite frankly, I'm cool with it.

I don't like mis-selling myself, I'd rather be seen to have 400 subs and every one of those 400 watching more times than not, than kid myself with 3000 who don't. I might actually feel more encouraged to make videos knowing my 'real' audience figures. It'll be really interesting to see the big dogs of 2006/7 and how they cope. Some Youtubers like 'Smosh' have been around since the start so will surely be expecting a HUGE drop in numbers, into the 10's of thousands I'm sure.

A lot of people are really worried I think.. but I don't really know why. It's like you're lying to yourself if you believe you have 50,000 people watching, when in reality you only have 10,000.

Over my time on Youtube I've been one to 'quit' and RETURN more times than that horrible bitch Joan Rivers has had plastic surgery. The majority of the time it was because I just felt disillusioned with the site, I felt like my figures didn't speak for how good my videos were. Arrogantly so? Absolutely.

Now times are very different and most people will tell you people don't have time for Youtubers like me, I just talk to the camera to make people laugh, nothing more, nothing less. I don't do sketches or parodies or music, I just talk. If people like me then they're subscribing for me, not because someone's told them too. I've never had a hand out really, once or twice I've had bumps but not to the levels of most. This is why I'm welcoming the subscription drop, because I know I've earn't what I've got. I doubt many people on Youtube can say that.

Anyway I'll be uploading soon all being well, I've got a few ideas and me and Elly might be doing another series :)

Give me your thoughts on the subscription downer, I want to know what you think!

Much Love
Ben

Youtube Death

2012-01-09T23:29:00.004Z

Hey gang,

I thought I'd delight your eyes with some more words on screens. Today something horrible happened a Youtube death took place. OK OK nobody actually died but a little piece of old school Youtube did. I think I've often been accused of trying to cling onto 'Old School Youtube' far too often, and those people are probably correct but I don't mind. I just miss how new it was, I miss my own personal drive for the site, I'd make videos about basically nothing for the thrill of the upload and nothing more. Now it's more of a viral campaign every time you upload, tweeting the video and begging for a retweet to increase traffic, facebooking it so even my 'real life' friends see it and even Google+ get's my attention post upload now.

Anyway I spoke of death moments ago and I refer to something Barry Aldridge facebooked.

'Not going to use Real Name No Gimmicks in my videos anymore, it's time to move on.'

It's not a big thing to most I'm sure (ALTHOUGH IT SHOULD BE) but to me and many others from the original Youtube days Barry had captured and held onto a phrase which made him recognisable, quotable. It brought a smile to my face to see him say it as an introduction to each video and it'll be a shame to see it go. It's a shame that even Barry feels like it's stagnant now, I disagree but who am I to comment. To me it's up their with Bruce Forsyth's 'Nice to see you, too see you nice!' or that spotty kid on the tv adverts for B&Q 'You can do it when you B&Q it!' - Doesn't quite work when trying to run a marathon, it'd slow you down if anything.

I hope Barry comes up with something equally iconic to introduce himself.

Cheers

Ben
Real name, No gimmicks.

Routine

2012-01-09T03:11:00.002Z

The hardest thing about blogging is surely the routine of doing so... I'm currently railing a friend of mine playing some on-line poker for some big bucks, and his routine of playing is barely a routine, it's a freelance job.

I find the biggest challenge is engaging people with this blog, they'll be days when I write 1000's of words over things that aren't that important. They'll be others that are short to the point and more likely just act as guides to what I've done that day for me to mull over in 5 years time.

What I will have a rant about is the come down of Christmas. I'm never ready for the decorations to go back into the loft for another year. Although the Christmas spirit struggles to keep a firm grip on me these days I still have an air of sadness in my voice when I say, 'Are you putting the tree away?!'

I guess it's the harsh reality of life snapping at you, saying, 'Do something which is worthwhile again.'

This Christmas was the first I'd spent at home, is was just simple, the most simple Christmas I've ever had in fact. It was the first December 25th I'd ever spent in my own bed. I'd usually be going away to further a field family houses or shoved downstairs to make way for older family member. This so I could 'enjoy' the adventure of Downstairs. It was nice to wake up and see my own walls and posters surrounding me. It made me think about the future and how I'd ideally like to spend Christmas and it's 100% going to be around family once I've one of my own. I'm sure some of you might be reading this fearing for Elly, but it's not something that particularly scares us or is avoided in conversation it's just something that is romantically and spontaneously inevitable if that's possible. I'm pretty sure in the future the future for me will be a interesting discussion on this blog.

Anyway cya

Ben

It's never too late!

2012-01-07T23:59:00.002Z

Ok so I nearly missed the deadline!

Today was my Mum's birthday, we went out for a nice meal that played a few games at home, 'who am I' was a classic, where you stick a post-it note on your head after someone else has written a name on it. You then take it in turns to see if you can work out who you are.

Being the evil son and boyfriend I am.... I had to pick someone for Elly first so I went for the rather obvious choice.. Elmo.

Anyway she actually got it! So when it came to picking someone for Mum I upped the ante!

The Banker from Deal or No Deal! It only took her about 45 minutes to work it out but lolz (can't stand that word) were had.

Take care.

Ben

Elly Friday!

2012-01-06T23:15:00.001Z

So today is Elly Friday! It's not quite the public holiday but it's still good. You might want to know the deep origin behind 'Elly Friday' and how it all came about over times of recession, drug abuse and riots but the truth of the matter it... she just always comes round on Fridays.

So there she is lying next to me reading Lee Evans' book.

I'll look over now and see what reaction I get...

She said 'What?' that was somewhat expected.

Actually something interesting has just come from Lee Evans' book a quote I'll retort in text now.

"Now I know that you have to reject the sort of closed thinking crap they want to force feed you in school, the narrow idea that you should keep your head down. never speak up and get a proper job"

In reference to him going to art college, now art college is never something I seriously contemplated during my education years, you'd find it hard to believe that I was quite shy at school really, I didn't want to make a big show of myself, I wasn't someone who relished the opportunity to delight my fellow school pals with a discussion about how Bill Shakespeare captures the emotion of Macbeth with some good nouns. I'd rather sit back and just let everyone else go first before building up a bit of courage to make a fool of myself with some comedy. Hardcore comedy.

Anyway I'll leave you with some feelings of some insecurity from my past and bid you farewell.

Ben

Get it in early

2012-01-05T13:03:00.002Z

Morning, well it's quite literally afternoon but I had the desire to write this an hour ago which meant I had the 'morning' thought.

Can you get a more pointless sentence than the one you've just read?

So I thought I'd blog early making sure I keep up with this, I've stuck it on my 'chrome taskbar' so I'm bound to do it more often if only because of procrastination. I had a quick look at my previous blogs and well I did it at college generally and quite a lot! College is now a distant memory for me and one I look back on with love and loathing.

The love part comes nice and simply from meeting Elly and never looking back. (Neck issues)

The loathing is down to the fact I hated every minute I was there, not because I didn't get on with people it's just a lot of my friends had moved on to University or work and I was sat there thinking I can more than likely achieve my goals in life without an A Level in PE. I guess I just didn't have the bollocks for a long time to admit that I could leave whenever I wanted too. I guess I thought education was something that HAD TO BE DONE, as when you're at school you're told that without an education you'll achieve nothing in life. Well I find this hard to believe because those success stories you hear of on the news and reality television, they don't come about from getting a masters in psychology, sure it might be a fantastic aid and a stepping stone but people get to where they want to be through hard work and sacrifice. I hope I can look back on this next year and think..'I've achieved something I didn't think I would'.

Anyway time to get proactive, I'm going to sit in my pants and play Call of Duty for an hour.

Much Love

Ben

Blogging

2012-01-04T22:14:00.000Z

A few years ago everyone on Youtube had a blog, now it's all websites and tumblr and well I'm going to revert back to my blog! It's pretty standard really run of the mill you might say, but I'm going to try do it most days.

I've said this before and failed but I guess it's still good I try and make goals. Elly (my wonderful girlfriend) has just started doing it again and it's inspired me to give it a go.

So welcome back or welcome for the first time! Leave a little comment to let me know you'll be reading!

Ben

If you just so happen...

2011-06-16T19:29:00.000+01:00

..to come across this blog then well it upsets me to say I don't really use it any more.

You though stalk me in other places!

Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/DoctorBenjy

Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/DoctorBenjy

Football website - http://www.BenCarrFootball.com

Personally contact me.

Skype - BenjyCarr

Thanks :)

2010-12-02T13:58:00.000Z

Good Afternoon,

I have one of those Thursdays lunchtimes where I literally have NOTHING to do. It does give me a perfect opportunity to blog to my hearts content, I tend to write this really quickly though as it gets my full attention.

VIDEOS
I might do a video called 'Shaving' tomorrow, I started to claim that I didn't shave in November because of Movember (rasing awareness for a cancer charity) The truth is I'm to lazy to shave and it just grows.

I might make video of my shaving while telling little tales of whats been going on and reveal at long last that I'm going to actually make a thing of my channel. I'm going to do a cross between Harry Hill's TV Burp and Russell Howards Good News. One because I think it'll be nice to have a purpose to the channel and secondly I think my comedy works best when I can bounce of current affairs. Who knows maybe one day it'll actually be watchable. I won't have a format as such, well actually I might I'm undecided.
But I might do one on Monday one on Friday and my LoveHate videos, tricky tricky tricky.

MY THURSDAYS
.. are such odd days. I get a little bit of a lay in untill about 9.20 then I get up, play badminton for an hour, then have a 15 minute break of nothing, Film Studies which varies from watching a film or recapping the film we just watched, it's a pretty fun but frightening experience to say the least. Then I have 1 hour 40 minutes to do what I'm doing now and get all my email up to date. Then a lesson of theory P.E. People often look at PE as a doss subject I'll tell you know its twice as hard as my other A Levels, you've never seen so much theory in your life I tell you! Then I have 3 hours to have dinner record and upload my lovehate video, then I have to be ready for football for 7.30, get home for half 9 and the day is done. Its a mix of busy and bored.

YOUTUBE GATHERING
Coming up is the Festive Gathering a gathering that I did enjoy last year I had a blast with Tom Bacon, Ellie Calder, James Seago, Jack and Dean. As well as seeing lots of friendly faces throughout the day.
I've not been to a gathering since, I came back from holiday the day of Summer in the City and it was just after my time in hospital so avoided that one and didn't go to any before that because of time and money I imagine. I'm seriously contemplating going to this one though, I have said that if I go to another gathering it'll hopefully be one run by TheLoveHateSociety because we did one nearly 2 years ago and I loved it! I feel a little out of the gathering loop so going to one in 10 days I think I'll feel like a bit of a stranger, those who've taken Youtube breaks will know that when you come back its really hard to get back into the swing of it all. I don't want to go and be by myself all day, it'd be a waste in many sense of the word.

College
College is still a bit of a struggle to be motivated for, I've not really got much to do, I take 2 subjects that I'm getting on alright with but I still feel I'm there because I have to be not because I want to be. May can't come soon enough, then it'll be another chapter of my life done. I'm sure I've mentioned the difficulty of being older than the vast majority of everyone else, it's still the case but it's getting easier I suppose.

Other stuff
I've recently embarked on a website design course, I say design it basically classes to teach you HTML and beyond, it really depends on your progress. I'm glad I'm doing it though it just another string to the bow, and having lessons at night at a different college sitting next to my Dad is quite an odd situation. I'm hoping to develop something egotistical like DoctorBenjy.com but also set up GetFeatured.co.uk or something like that to aid that project. GetFeaturedGlobal is being announced one Monday (and now on my blog it seems) but I suppose when you're in charge you can do what you like! Gary and Jack have officially left the project, it's been an honour to spend so much time on it with them over the last few months, and I was very sad to see the both depart, but times change and you need to evolve to make things work for the better. I now have 2 teams of 3 on GetFeaturedUK and Global, it's nice to have it all sorted and both teams are gelling really well, obviously some people are baffled by the new system, a system that was explained in a video, but I'm going to make a video on Monday address these 'issues' and announcing GetFeaturedGlobal on GetFeaturedUK. Lets hope people recognise me!

Whey I've killed an hour of time and got lots of things out in the open, thanks for reading all 888 words ok its 892 now, this could go on to be honest.

Ben
x

Video October

2010-09-29T13:37:00.000+01:00

So Video October, whats it's all about I imagine I hear you cry..OK maybe a squeal?

It's very obvious to what it is really, its like the October version of VEDA but I'm not going to be a cliche and call it VEDO. I'm making a video everyday of October

The reaction most people have given it is... well that's exciting BUT some have said and this shows the faith my girlfriend has in me.. 'you won't do it.'

I seem to have created this Internet reputation of someone that doesn't follow things through, which to me is quite odd though I do play on the gimmick a lot of don't involve me I might quit half way through. In reality and can't let things go and I work fucking hard a lot of the time to follow something up or make it work, the problem I have is that I'm quite impatient, I like things to be done instantly and if that can't be the case then I at least want to know whats going on.. I like a plan and I like things organised. Jack and Gary have learnt from GetFeaturedUK that I'm like that Elly has had 2 years to get used to it and I don't think my Mum and Dad really 'get it'. I want to work hard at 'Video October' I'm also going to blog about each video as well.. so as the video processes and uploads I'll write a blog to link people to.

For most people making a video is quite straight forward, sadly its not that easy for me and it's quite time consuming.
Eg.
I record the footage on my nice camera,
then I have to transfer the tape to a machine that records the footage into Windows Movie Maker, I then either edit it and save it or just save it. Then I have to transfer the raw footage to my laptop so, by either sending it over MSN or Sendspace so I can edit it on Sony Vegas so I can make it look good in wide screen (so not to be a Youtube outcast) and render it and then finally upload it to Youtube, the whole process can take an hour at the least but generally takes 2 hours or more to get a video to you people.
So the plan is to film the video after college everyday, whether that be a rant or a vlog or a little sketch the video will HAVE to be of good quality. The only thing that actually concerns me, isn't time or will power to make the videos but IDEAS. Anyone that makes videos knows that the idea is the hardest thing to come by, so these videos are likely to be very spontaneously recorded. Should be fun.

I'll post the video on here as well so you can just come here to watch it or just be subscribed to my Youtube account, if you found this blog and just follow me on Twitter then I make videos here <-- click it and it will take you directly to my Youtube channel.

Yes so starting on Friday a video a day from me, I hope you enjoy it!

Also I've just thought this will be a good resource to do video responses etc I've a few planned actually.

Thanks for reading

Ben.

Sidenote. On a low point this has only taken me 10 minutes to write and I've 40 minutes to now kill at college. BOO.

Back at college..

2010-09-22T12:10:00.000+01:00

Hi all and welcome back,

I say this every bloody time BUT I really want to blog more, I usually think this at about 11.30pm and decide I'm to tired to blog so I just well... fall asleep.

I have a feeling though I may be blogging a lot this college year as I'm going to have lots of occasions like this one, where I either have a lesson cancelled or I've an hour to myself. I think a year ago I would've struggled to cope being on my own a lot but spending the time I did in hospital, you're on your own a lot sitting..waiting. I'm known in my family and with Elly for being really really impatient, I don't think I am as much now because I've had to spend time on my own getting better and thinking about my life/health etc.

I've suddenly come back to college to nobody. I know less than 5 people well, obviously I see people around to say the odd hello to, but with everyone else gone off to work or University it's difficult to get through a day staying happy. I know how sad. I do quite like being on my own though because I've spent 14 years surrounded by busyness and friends and issues that when you look back on them mean nothing. I miss having the social aspect of course, and this whole online world is quite a good comfort blanket to go to when you need someone to talk to or just have a giggle with no real life consequence.

Although despite all that alone feeling I've got a lot of things going on concerning Youtube, a website which I now look at with wider eyes, I realise that it doesn't mean much and the drama that concerns it is needless, sure I share my opinions on the occasional drama with the rest of you but when you look at it, Youtube is a website for people to post what they like when they like. As I was saying.. I've got my own channel which is in a bit of a limbo, I'm not sure where to go with it and maybe these other projects will give it more direction. I'm returning as a member of the new Love Hate Society along with 4 others which I'm pretty excited about we had a chat about how things are going to run, the underlining point I got from it is that a lot has changed since we first started a couple of years ago, and because of that, as a channel we need to evolve while at the same time keep that friendly feeling we always had. I might as well talk a bit more about it.

We're going to run it in seasons, not like RantTank though, as the members of the channel are unlikely to change. We'll do a run of 8 weeks then have 3 off so it's not a weekly chore. That was my main problem with it last time, I loved doing it and the people on it were some of the people I really loved watching on Youtube. So it was great for me to be involved in a Youtube channel which brought all of those people and myself together. I think we're going to have fun with it anyway and you'll find out lots more soon.

Other things I have lined up is that me and Lex are likely to start doing DoctorDuck again, we planned to do it the other day but that went to shit due to Lex being hopeless :)
So I won't give a date for the next podcast as it could be tonight it could be 2014 it's a mystery to be honest.

Obviously I'm still doing GetFeaturedUK, it was hard to manage at the beginning and I don't think people realised just how hard it was, we were getting literally hundreds of emails a day with videos and questions. Now it's not so busy but it's still hard working sorting it all out and getting it together. I have to say though everyone that's been on the panel seems to have a great time and we've had some great videos pass through our fingers. I do feel bad that we can only feature 3 videos, I posted on the twitter the other day 'What can we do to interact more with the viewers' or something along those lines and Olly Newport simply put 'maybe feature more videos for a start' (or something like that) anyway the point is, I think he's annoyed that he's sent videos in and hasn't been featured. Maybe we haven't be clear to why we only feature 3...
Basically it's a matter of exposure, if we feature 10 videos then the viewership of those 10 is likely to decrease because its more for a viewer to watch, another reason is that we like the fact we feature 3 its a good number it means we can get a nice spread of videos from singing to animation, vlogs to sketches. It's a nice mix. I've taken a back seat from GetFeaturedUK recently and it's nice to know that Gary can cope without me and take a positive role within the panel and with the videos. An idea I'm going to pitch to Gary when I next get the chance is that we get panel members to help us present the featured videos maybe it'll be a nice thing to trial.

But yeah to sum up things are looking up slowly but surely I had a blood test this morning for my next dose and some people in the waiting room look ill, I didn't feel that ill at all, I felt bad sitting there looking at middle aged women and the elderly thinking, I know the feeling and don't know what to say, actually I just said to sum up and now im going to to make another point. A point I was actually going to make a video on and still might. I got on the bus yesterday to go home from college and as I sat down next to a man who must have been hitting 80. I looked quite relaxed before I sat next to him and as soon as I touched the seat he sat up straight and held the bar infront. Now I didn't look that threatening apart from being a teenager, but it made me sad that as a youth an elderly person feel scared/worried by my presence and that really hurts me. I wanted to turn to him and say 'I'm not scary' but obviously I can't do that because buses are the most social difficult places on earth as it is without me talking to an old man. Anyway I want old people to realise that we aren't scary people most of us are kind weel natured human beings.

Thanks for reading

Ben
x

Test after Test

2010-08-20T09:11:00.000+01:00

No the title isn't in reference to recent results as I've not actually received mine yet. But it's in reference to BLOOD TESTS (I have to have these so they can send me the dose for the week) an experience I'm pretty sure nobody normal enjoys. I can say I'm used to them now and the pain is pretty pain free because my arms become like a rock in that area, I've just been for my Friday appointment which means getting up and 7.20am and I've done that for the past few months.
I vowed to blog more in August well a couple of days after that post I woke up with a shocking pain in my leg, literally wake up...............................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Ok Mum my leg really hurts,
'Ok hospital?'
Nooo I assume it's cramp, give it half an hour...
22 MINUTES LATER
Mum I need Dad take me to hospital like.. NOW.

So off I went, it wasn't particularly painful but it was the shock more than anything and it was like a huge strain to straighten my leg out, which isn't something I do a lot, e.g. it wasn't all that painful to walk but I knew it was there. Anyhow I went in and was told that I'd have a ultra sound on my leg (the same leg that's been the problem for 8 months) this was actually my first test on it, a small error by the hospital I feel but nevertheless its found now.. what's found Ben?? Well another clot has developed/being left behind. That's not good, the hospital now think that I am prone to clotting which means that I'll be on Warfarin for life (tablets). Which means I'll be having blood tests for life as well.

Now to say that to someone who's 60/70 isn't that hard for a Doctor I'm sure because it's probably quite common in that age, but for a Doctor to turn to me and start with the line, 'you're very young to have this happen to you' It's a bit of a * :( * moment and then for them to say, you'll be on Warfarin for life, well I walked out of the room and sat and cried for a couple of minutes.
1. the shock of being told is like 'ahhhhh fuck'
2. those words 'for life' at the age of 19, yeah that hurts just as much as the clots.

Anyway they kept me in over night and I was ok to leave the next morning although I had to have injections everyday for a week which have now results in really bad on my tummy :(

To sum up and not leave this on a bum not, I'm getting better, it's just taking longer than I'd like.

Thank you for all the supportive messages on twitter and the like, your support really does mean a lot, although its the case of nobody really understands.

Ben x

I was going to do BEDA..

2010-08-06T00:07:00.000+01:00

But as I'm on holiday I decided against it. Not that I'm very good at holidays in fact this year I've been terrible. The problem was that I brought my laptop to charge up my iPod for the 4 hour long car journeys through England, France and Belgium. I didn't expect to get free internet in Disneyland or here in Belgium but it just so turned out that I did, in both. Because GetFeaturedUK got a front page spotlight last Friday it was a bit like, 'I NEED TO SEE THINGS DEVELOP!' Oh and didn't they just, we got a barrage of expected and pointless hate which we just moderated and deleted so it was as if it never existed. Forget the hate though, 300/400 new subscribers about 200/250 positive comments and around 150 emails and messages about the project. I'd consider that Youtube a success.
I few people found it ironic that the channel set up to bring back featuring was indeed featured.
Not many people know but that wasn't luck... Youtube contacted us about 3 weeks ago with a proposition of maybe giving us a one off spotlight slot on the front page with a view to making it more regular, obviously we saw this as a huge compliment and opportunity to spread the word of Get Featured UK with the aim to promote as many people as possible on a national stage. We replied with a few requests and many questions about the possibility and they invited us to Google HQ in London to discuss the matter further. We took them up on that and Gary met them about a week prior to the spotlight as me and Jack were unable to make the meet due to the timing of the meeting(not to mention my medical condition). The meet went well and we discussed various things such has getting it again in future months and other possible ventures. To sum up last Friday it went brilliantly well and are in talks to get it again.

I sore point for me was that we could only feature 5 of our 12 featured Youtubers on the front page. This wasn't totally our doing, we would have loved to have featured all 12 (Which is possible) but this wasn't viable for Youtube. We all know Youtube have copyright laws on footage and music. Some covers are even copyrighted because of the record companies coming down hard on Youtube. So if you were featured in July and didn't get that front page opportunity then I personally am sorry but there's nothing we could do.

That may not have needed clearing up but I just wanted to put it out there.

Now although I'm not taking part in BEDA I will make an effort to blog more during this month about what's going on. Things I've kinda got planned: Gary's coming to stay for a few days, me and Elly want to go to London, I'd love to take a boat out on the broads for a day. See a bunch of films such as Inception and the Karate Kid and finally get really good with a Diablo (picture)
I bought one the other day and haven't used one for about 10 years but I got the hang of it straight away, I can see myself getting pretty good then making an average video with it just being me and the Diablo. How romantic.

Thanks for reading

Ben x

In less than a month..

2010-07-21T00:00:00.000+01:00

Get Featured UK has featured 9 Youtuber's of different talents and brilliance and showcased them to a new audience.
As of tonight it has over 2000 subscribers to it's name
Nearly 300 followers on Twitter
A Facebook page that we finally got the bloody URL for today http://www.facebook.com/GetFeaturedUK
and a growing support which hasn't slowed down.

Each Youtuber that's been featured has felt an impact on their own subscriber number and views no matter how big that impact has been, whether it being KickThePJ or OtterPad, if they've 50 subscribers or 34 thousand Get Featured UK have shown them off.

I was featured in the August of 2008 which meant I was on the front page of Youtube for 3 days and I remember that initial buzz, I felt so proud that a video I'd made was being recognised and showcased. It was a video that meant a lot to me as I'd gained the desire to make it when my Grandpa died a month earlier. It's something I'm still proud of now.
Now when Get Featured UK was formed I didn't want it to be 'New Youtube' or 'The Saviours' I wanted people to feel that same buzz that I felt, I wanted to make a difference to people on Youtube and inspire others to either make videos again or to keep making great videos to be proud of. Although we've only been going for a month I think we're doing that already. I had a HUGE fear that we'd get 10 subscribers and it wouldn't impact anyone, but we've had such name's as TristopiaTV, JerryHCooke, BarryAldridge, BillTVMacon, Lomasca, Alex Day and Charlieiscoollike help us out with promotion whether via Twitter or Youtube and the ball has really rolled. We're hoping to gain support from a few other people as wel to push the project along further. We also have promising news that we hope to announce soon which me, Gary and Jack are very excited about.

We already feel like we've achieved a lot but we equally think we can achieve a lot more.
We can't thank everyone enough, the people that have applied for the panel, the people that uploaded our initial video, the tweeters, the people that made their own videos about it, the people that have sent us videos and to the all people that have followed the growing success of GetFeaturedUK, from the bottom of my internet heart....

Thank you so much for making this work.

Ben
x

Back to college

2010-07-19T08:04:00.000+01:00

So I'm about to leave for college for the first time in about 5 weeks its been a long half term break for me. With being at hospital for a week and then needing to recover for longer than was initially thought.

I'm pretty nervous =/

Not because I'll be seeing people for the first time in ages, but because I'm not sure how my body going to cope with walking around etc. I'm sure if I just pace myself I'll be fine but yeah tricky business, I'm not totally sure that this week will be worth while and I'll get much out of it. It'll be quite strange though because within myself I've changed my approach to the way I behave because I've had to and I've no idea if that'll apply to college as well or whether I'll be how I always was. I think I'm expecting myself to be quite reserved so I don't exert my chest to much.

I think I'll be OK but I just think its going to be odd.

Ben

Get Featured UK

2010-07-05T18:17:00.000+01:00

WOW WOW WOW

OK so on the 25th of June I pitched a concept to Gary (CheekTV) to have a blog which could help expose Youtube talent. The idea developed and developed, the original idea never intended to have a Youtube channel but I ended up thinking it would be the perfect base.
I've been part of a few collab channels (TheLoveHateSociety and RantTank) and under the guidance of Tino they both went well. They both slowly feel down. I think the reason is because you have to hope 5/7 people post videos on the day they're suppose to and if they forget it can throw it all up in the air so its difficult to manage.

Since my hospital experience I had a long time to think about where I was going and how I could change things for me and others. GetFeaturedUK (A name Jack Howard came up with) is exactly that; it can change things, not so much for me but for others!. I made it perfectly clear to Jack and Gary that I don't want to gain hundreds of subs for this. It's not about that, its about the people of Youtube. The makers and the viewers. As has been stated by a few people I firmly believe that Youtube's UK community fell down when they removed the featured section. It was a shame because people had aimed for it, when the aim was removed the attitude of 'why am I doing this' came about for many. I've had my run ins with Youtube and Youtubers but I'm still around now, the reason I get so frustrated is because I've always known what Youtube could do and the people on it have so much potential. Myles Dyer does things like Stickaid and raises lots of money through the help of Youtubers. the RNLI targetted Youtube for good. Lots of things can be achieved look at the gatherings that take place in the UK hundreds of people gather for social reasons, people spend a lot of money to attend and share an experience.
People have questioned the project because they know it'll be a lot of work. A lot of work which I'm prepared to put in. The project has received 200 emails with suggestions and questions. I love that people care.

The people who have been featured this week are doing fantastic from it. Each of them are gaining subscribers everyday. Subscribers that would never have found them without GetFeaturedUK. I've spoken to more people in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last year.
I want people to be excited about a video idea. In 2008 I was featured for a video that meant a lot to me. I'd just got back from my first gathering, and having that rush of knowing someone appreciated what I did and cared enough to show others my work was the best feeling I've had from my Youtube experience.

99% of the feedback has been positive. There's been lots of questions that I intend to answer in video form as well things like. 'I'm from the US can I get featured' or 'I'm from the US can I be part of the panel' these questions are been asked everyday so I intend to answer them.

UK videos can be featured at the moment and only UK videos. Obviously in the future we would LOVE to make it a global project this depends upon success' of the project.

ANYONE can be on the panel young or old UK or US anyone. We want to get views from people that aren't just from the UK and aren't just in the tight nit UK Community.

I could say much more so I'll most likely blog again on this soon.

Thank you so much for the support its been so unexpected and so brilliant it surpassed all of my expectations.

Ben
x

If you've read this and have no idea what I'm talking about check out GetFeaturedUK here - http://www.youtube.com/GetFeaturedUK

The Exciting Project

2010-06-28T15:01:00.001+01:00

You might by now be getting sick of me saying, 'THE EXCITING PROJECT.' Well soon that shall come to an end. I'm planning to reveal it tomorrow in video form. I did an audioboo on it which you can find here.

It underlines the basics so its work checking out before reading on.

If your part of the Youtube community and you're reading this. LISTEN UP.

I really really really really really want to push this and make it work. I'm extremely enthusiastic about it think it has the potential to really inspire people to make videos again!
BUT crucially I NEED YOUR HELP. This isn't something I can't achieve on my own, I need everyone with a twitter account, tumblr account and most importantly a Youtube account just to mention it and talk about it. Even if its just 10 seconds at the end of your video, what's 10 seconds to you?

If you have a decent subscriber base, remember what it was like getting a subscribers rarely? Then when you suddenly have a massive jump? Exciting wasn't it, a great feeling knowing that people appreciated and loved what you had to do or say. I want more people to have that feeling!

Whether you do as much as a video response or as little as a couple of retweets. GET INVOLVED!! please I can't ask enough.

The video will go up tomorrow and project - GET FEATURED UK will launch.

Thank you very much for reading

Ben

New Exciting Project!

2010-06-26T12:16:00.001+01:00

Listen!

The World Cup

2010-06-23T01:54:00.000+01:00

A reminder: The video

2010-06-15T18:10:00.000+01:00

A reminder.

2010-06-14T11:22:00.000+01:00

Hello,

I've just uploaded a video called 'A reminder' which you most likely know because you've been directed here.

I didn't say everything I wanted to in the video because to be honest I was getting a little choked towards the end. I was in 2 minds whether to make the video or not, and without sounding cruel I've not really made it for my subscribers. I've made it for me, as a reminder.
So basically I had a clot in my lung which is still there and is been broken down by Warfarin tablets for 6 months until my system is immune to future clots and the current one has totally gone.
I've had a blood test this morning so they can send me the information for the next set of tablets for the coming week.
It's been a very stressful few weeks and months. For months I've had this going on but unaware to what 'this' was and for the past few weeks leading up to the eruption in my chest I've been scared to get it seen by anyone or have blood tests or anything that could prove something was wrong. I feel better now. Not 100% but everyday I get better. I can feel it.

The NHS are brilliant and I think I might make a separate video about them. I can't speak highly enough about them.

I just want to talk to a few people now, if you're scared about something happening in your body or life which you're are too scared to get sorted however small and pathetic you feel about it. Do something about it. I left it 3 months without seeing anyone through absolute fear. Within a week I felt a whole lot better through guidance, doctors and the care of nurses. People are around to help, so let them :)

If you want to e-mail me on the matter because you want somebody or maybe understands to talk to or you just want to email me for something totally unrelated, you can at doctorbenjy@gmail.com

Thanks for taking an interest :)

Ben
x

Changes

2010-06-05T23:33:00.002+01:00

So the last week in no uncertain terms has changed my life, right now I'm not going to go into to much detail but I do want to share my story.

What I'll say now is that I spent the week in hospital recovering from something that happened last Saturday and has been building for the last 4 months unbeknown to me. I know how mysterious and egotistical of me not to reveal it now in hope that people will be worried. It's not its that. I want to tell people my own way in my own time but at the same time I wanted to post tonight because it'll mean I'm making progress.

I'm making a video tomorrow after I've been for my morning injections to tell my subscribers on Youtube about what happened. If they care then its nice to know they care, if they haven't really got a view or don't care, that's fine as well, without sounding selfish. Its about me, but I know it'll be easier with the support of people that have taken an interest in me for my comedy.

The main reason I'm going to blog about my time in hospital and make a video or two on the subject is to help keep a log of when things started to change so I can look back proudly all being well in the months to come. Also I think by telling 1000 people (a truer representation of my subscriber number although it currently reads 2390) I'm helping myself to keep on track with what I'm trying to achieve.

I know this is all very cryptic and tedious but like I say, its just the start.

Tough day

2010-05-29T00:01:00.000+01:00

I warn you now I'm only blogging to get something out of my system Im not yet sure what that something is so if it comes out as a rambling mess, well I did warn you.

Today has been really odd, started off with an exam which didn't go as well as hoped, it just went 'OK' but that doesn't fill me with confidence for the result.

Then ever since that I've just let out all my insecurities to Mum, Dad and Elly. Its all quite unlike me to be honest because usually I'm quite reserved and don't let the online world know what's going on with my own life deep down. I like to keep it all bottled up and just have a front that hides the real me from the world. I guess quite a few people who create an online persona are like that though. It's just like a comfort blanket for the modern ages.

I was going to post all of the reasons that have put me in a bad mood but I only think that'll give me something to remind me of it (totally hasn't made sense but can't be bothered to change it) I know I noticed and still didn't change it, just typed out that I'd not made sense.

I've not pasted this all over twitter like most people do because I don't want people to feel forced to read 'I've never cried so much in one night' etc you know the stuff, I'd rather just keep it here and maybe i'll link the blog or something I don't even know. I'm in full ramble right now.

infact night x

An actual video

2010-05-10T21:22:00.000+01:00

2010-05-10T13:40:00.000+01:00

Well todays been a odd day, I woke up in a good mood had a nice weekend, did a BlogTV show that went well met lots of new people and chatted to them for a while which was nice.
Got to college nice and early feeling ready for a new week.

Then things went shit. I won't go into why but I'm not very happy at the moment.

Do you ever have those days? Where everything is going well you feel kind of untouchable, as if nobody could destroy your happy mood. Then.......BAM. The world shuts the door and makes you got back into a low mood.

I'll be alright I get over minor things quite quickly, they blow up in my face at first and I don't really know how to react then I think things over during a practice English exam and I'm fine. Ok it doesn't always work out quite as smoothly as that but you get the jist.

Infact I can't be bothered to blog anymore. Blog over.

my first audioBOO

2010-05-04T22:44:00.002+01:00

Why not have a listen! :D

Listen!

Young people.

2010-04-27T13:38:00.001+01:00

This morning I did a talk to my English class for a speaking and listening activity, we were allowed to pick any topic we liked. Obviously there were the obvious topics done by people such as, Snowboarding and Manchester United, but I really wanted to push myself at doing it well so picked a topic which I'm passionate about but at the same time would challenge me to talk about in front of a group of young people.
I chose the topic of 'The Representation of young people'
A topic that is close to me, I like many others hate the way in which we are seen in the public eye via news channels and newspapers. I actually think that in Great Yarmouth and my college people are quite naive, don't me wrong I've a lot of friends here, I mean naive to the fact that things in the world can be changed. Too many people would rather sit on facebook for hours on end 'liking' groups and adding friends of friends. I knew that it would surprise my class by way of me picking to stick up for young people. A few people after came to me and said that it made them have a think about things. This was exactly what I was trying to do, as well as getting an A.

Knowing that I was to do the presentation today, last night I had a think of what could be done to give young people an opportunity.
I made the point in the presentation that one of the reasons we get picked on by the media is because we're vulnerable, we don't have a voice. Nobody is willing to stick up for young people in a major way, all of the political parties for this coming election are banging on about how education is important. I've not seen anyone actually talk and LISTEN to young people about whats going on now.

When questions are asked like, 'How do you intend to reform education for the better?'

the answer comes back as 'We have set in place for the next 4-7 years to have education compulsory up until the age of 18 etc etc etc'
That's great but in 4 to 7 years I'll be 25 and school and college will be a distant memory.
We want to be heard now, and for my entire time in education I can't remember one big impact on my learning to change it for the better. Its just a system I've been put through and still am right now.

If I had enough support and knowledge I'd love to set up a political party aimed directly at the youth. It would be in my opinion the ONLY way in which we could be heard, its so possible to do, we have lots of great universities with people studying politics who could pass their knowledge on to others.
The education system currently fails young people on politics, its not a compulsory subject, its not taught in depth and its not understood in schools.
This makes in near impossible for anyone to come out of school with any knowledge of whats going on politically, so we can't make any impact until we are past our youth.

I woud love to get this blog post around a bit getting more people involved in the discussion, so if you can tweet it or reblog it or even better write your own blog on the subject, post it on websites on your facebook anything to get young people interested and talking.

And by all means post a comment below.

Thanks for reading
Ben

Telegraph 'How should I vote'

2010-04-23T18:35:00.001+01:00

Its quite interesting that I came out UKIP.

I hadn't actually considered them until now. I'm still torn between Labour and the Liberal Democrats, I think I need one more debate :)

*I just checked the results including Cameron and his goons and the Tories were bottom of my poll thing.. there's a surprise.

If you want to try it out http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/election-2010/7541285/How-should-I-vote-in-the-General-Election-2010.html let me know what you get :)

Me.

2010-04-21T18:36:00.000+01:00

Politics

2010-04-19T13:55:00.001+01:00

In the time of the first General Election that I have been able to vote in there's something I'd like to discuss.

For years I've thought that schools should teach politics and now is a time where its as justified as any, because now thousands of young people with the option to vote either don't know why they should bother or have no idea which Party has which policies, to be quite honest its a mess. I've just had a lesson with my English class some of which has the chance to vote and the general opinion is 'Fuck Labour, Go Conservative.'
'Yeah cuz Gordon Brown fucked up the economy and expenses and shit, and Labour sent us to war'

America destroyed the Economy along with the help of Iceland.
the Conservatives were the main culprits with the expenses
and Tony Blair sent us to Iraq etc because at the time it was the right thing to do, now there are all these calls for us to pull out of Iraq. If you're having sex with a girl and then you pull out before the jobs completed, you know that you've let yourself down and the girl is fucked off with you. The same applies with the war.
Pull out now and the job we started won't be finished.

It's very easy to pick on someone that's done something, so of course Labour are an easy target for the blundering idiot David Cameron because they've done it. Part of me would love to see Cameron go in and fuck it up because I'm 90% sure he would.
I think the Lib Dem's would be a decent choice because I think they'd bring a fresh look onto the way the government is run.
Labour do (Despite what the media and Cameron and the critics say) know what they're doing.
It's a shame that the Tories and leading the polls recently but I don't think it'll last after Thursday.

Ideally I would love to see a hung Parliament between Labour and the Lib Dem's. Lib Dem's would be like the little brother of a family. The older brother Labour would control the main aspects of the country but will have a small injection of Lib Dem's fed into them which would be like a kick up the backside for Labour. Lib Dem have some good ideas, some admittedly unrealistic but all the same new different and somewhat radical idea's.
What do you think?

Dailybooth picture #5

2010-04-06T20:12:00.000+01:00

I'm watching Barcelona vs Arsenal, good game so far and its 1-1! Messi just scored a wonder goal.

I've spent the last 24 hours or so with Elly which was really nice, shes gone home now but i'll see her again soon :)

Thanks for following! :D

Dailybooth picture #4

2010-04-02T22:05:00.002+01:00

Yes there is a picture 3 But Elly hijacked my Dailybooth and this is simply a protest.

This must be the most pointless tea tray ever right?!

I've done hardly anything today apart from lay around with Elly this morning then after she went home I started plotting away to destroy France. I know what you're thinking.. Why the hell are you only attacking France when there's country's like Germany around!! Well, its mainly because I think they've got off lightly for years and I got an E-mail from the FAP (Frog Appreciation President) and well he's pretty pissed off!

Yes I've gone mental.

Dailybooth picture #2

2010-03-31T16:04:00.001+01:00

I promise I won't stare in the next one.

It's bloody freezing today hence the fleece.

and a Happy Birthday to anyone who has a birthday! :D

FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW ME ON DAILYBOOTH
by clicking the word lemonade

Proof that I'm a street dancer

2010-03-29T22:05:00.002+01:00

Plus, my cousins laughing at it. =(

Ben breakdances from Ben Carr on Vimeo.

Mondays

2010-03-29T13:31:00.001+01:00

Lets hope this blog isn't as controversial as the last...
Well aren't Mondays just the slowest days of the week. I woke up late and when I do that I feel as if my day just won't go great. I had literally 5 minutes to get ready for college after I woke up and even then I was 15 minutes late into PE. A lesson which I literally did NOTHING in despite my attempts to get a quiz going. Mainly because I just love a good quiz.

For the first time since I left just over 2 months ago I was tempted to make a proper YouTube video. But then realised that if I did the people that give a shit, might not give a shit anymore as I seem to have an unwanted reputation to come and go from YouTube making a fuss along the way, although last time I stopped making videos I didn't really make a fuss at all. I wrote a blog, discussed it with a few people posted it on twitter. Bish Bash Bosh. I didn't make a video about it just left it be. But I know how people are so me making a video now, people would be like WOAH what a dick. So although I'm not that bothered about what people might think I don't really want the hate.
Although I know some people we be all like 'Do what you like' and 'I told you so'

I guess when I have a really good idea which I consider quite funny I want to express it. The other option is just to upload it to another/new channel. But I don't really see the point in that. It's certainly an option though.

It's funny that I could have produced atleast a video a week of decent quality with the ideas I've got/had but, they all go into the stand-up prep so atleast it's not wasted.

I've not played poker for over a week, doesn't sound that difficult I guess but its 1 week out of the 52 I intend not to play. Someone should bet me that I play, you'll most likely end up winning that bet.

END

Ben

P.S. What do we think of the new design?

I said I wouldn't do this..

2010-03-25T00:36:00.001Z

But when have I ever done anything I said I'd do.

Blogging about YouTube pfft if ever there was a topic I wanted to avoid.

So over the last couple of hours Gary a dear friend of mine better known to the online world as CheekTV has hit the wall that I hit 2 months ago.
The sudden realisation that you can't compete with the pretty face, the egomaniacs and the cute hair. Many people involved in the so called 'Community' are doing it for themselves and nobody but themselves, why shouldn't they? Most of them are making good money and aren't at a stage in their lives that they can actually understand.

My personal opinion, twitter ruined the community. Strange isn't it that a website that has had a social impact on the world in so many positive ways destroyed an already existing websites community.
Before twitter you would help out other people out on YouTube with a shout out in a video to give them a little exposure and things were great. Now if you give someone a shout out, you're seen as an arse licking little prick or someone that just whores themselves out. When really where's the harm in exposing someone in the 'ultimate' way. Twitter has suddenly meant people look at a video retweet it and think well as I retweet you I expect the same kind of return. The bulk of the community are to busy looking after number one making sure their own back and subscribers are safe so that they feel they have some higher moral status over the rest of the online community. Well who the fuck do you people think you are?
For over a year I've spoken with Gary about what a joke YouTube is, so 2 months ago I let go, I still keep an interest in a few people because they are either entertaining or a close friend so hence why I'm writing this.
Yes people make videos to be seen of course you do, but its not that important is it? 999 times out of 1000 an A level will get you further than ten thousand views etc.

The top people in the UK over the last year help nobody but themselves most of the time, its horrible how Nerimon makes videos about Twilight sure for comedy effect but he knows its current and will scoop in lots of money for it, I don't blame him its just using the market for money. But that's not what Alex was about he doesn't need to do that to entertain, I feel he's lowering his standards by doing it. Even the most up and coming talented Youtuber for a while Crabstickz is having his video titles as 'SEX TALK' and 'Fancy a bum' Chris is good enough that he doesn't need to do that but knows that doing it will give his video an extra little push from the most viewed charts.
I watched the new concept from Myles and Charlie today 'The Zone'. And without beating around the bush, it was bloody awful. Slow, awkward, forced and sloppy. Such potential but little promise. Charlie isn't a presenter he's a face for 3 minutes in my opinion. Myles is trying to hard, I used to have a lot of respect for Myles he was the figurehead of the community to people a year or two ago, but even he made a video call 'HOT SEXY BODY PAINT!' come on people, Youtube was never about the views or whether you could get a TV career from it was it?
It was about sharing ideas and making video's because you wanted to, not because it could make you a tidy sum of money on the side and having enough subscribers to feel better about yourself.

Views/Subscribers/Twitter followers change people. So many people are different now from a year ago. 'Internet fame' changed them just look at their videos a year ago compared to now.
YouTube is just like school, social groups that others can be excluded from.

You can't sell out from something there isn't a value for, but respect is worth a lot more.

I've been offered a chance to take my comedy to a new level and don't know what to do with these offers BUT, I didn't go looking for it, I didn't title my videos 'SEX HERE FOR FREE' I didn't force myself down peoples throats and I didn't complain for a year and a half when things didn't go my way. People let me down on YouTube because I expected to much from people.

Everyone in the 'community' right now will look back at there videos in 10 years and realise how much FUN it was not how much it meant to be popular.
I'm not jealous of these people I'm saddened that even an internet format can be filled with such hypocrisy.
I'm so proud of what I achieved through my video making 2400 people subscribed and I got featured in the UK and got made a YouTube partner. All these things make me smile even now but it was the respect I gained from people in achieving these things that make it all the more sweeter.

Sadly I grew to dislike the community for what it was, if you've read this and can relate don't let the same thing happen to you, because its not worth it. Make a difference and help people because you can, not because you think it might then help you. It was never about that, it still shouldn't be about that AND I for one would hate to see it come to that.

I do feel.../How to stop the internet paedophiles!

2010-03-14T15:13:00.000Z

that when I spend an entire day away from my laptop that I'm behind with all the things I normally do. I've got 3 blogs to keep updated with life, football and poker news. I check certain websites that mean something to me or keep me entertained I read up on strategies for poker and other blogs and watch things on Youtube and iplayer just to keep myself current really.

I didn't have a laptop until I was 17 so it's strange that now I do so much on it, whereas before obviously I had football to keep me more than entertained. I just find myself behind just because of how fast the world of the internet moves.

Yesterday I went to see the Lion King in London's West End with Elly and it was brilliant, exactly how you want to imagine it being. I met Gary as well for a couple of hours which was nice, someone who is so different from me but I connect so well with its nice :)
I also like that fact that despite Youtube videos not been part of my daily thinking any more that I can still stay in touch with him enough that we can meet for something to eat in London.

In other news I was reading the Daily Mirror on the way home on the train (first class XD) and read an article from a particular columnist who said the only way to stop internet paedophiles swarming around 'innocent' children online is to bring back the death penalty. He drivelled on about that fact you can tell people 1000 times to be careful online and they won't listen because they get some kind of acceptance online but THE DEATH PENALTY. Don't be such a middle aged prick without any knowledge of what bringing back the death penalty would mean. A few of the reason's the government I believe haven't brought back the death penalty is that one, bringing it back would mean the 'serial killer' would return, you could kill 1000 people and know that you could only receive death once for all of the killings, not only that but people on the edge who want to die but don't know how to do it themselves etc would go out and kill someone because they know exactly what would happen to them. I don't think paedophiles should instantly get death, a form of torture would be more appropriate I think, making them realise exactly what they've done.
I believe the only way you control internet paedophiles.... shut down the internet completely shut it down and act like it never existed.
Obviously this will never happen which is exactly why things like the recent Facebook murder will only become more frequent, its just the world we live in now.

Anyway I'm glad I've written it down although I could have gone on forever

Ben

Its late, and I have a chest infection.

2010-03-03T01:24:00.000Z

At this very moment it hurts to breath so sleeping is difficult so the blog has been activated!
I assume the last 5 words of the first sentence were said in a cheesy ITV game show kinda way for drama and comedy effect. This most likely hasn't happened, but I'll make it a life long goal to make it happen one day!

If you just read the first paragraph baffled, I have no idea why the dickens I just spoke about utter tosh there.

Anyway, just thought I'd fill your mind with a little Ben news.
College is going fine, although I won't be into till Thursday due to this rather annoying chest infection, I've actually had this for about 2 weeks, and decided that the doctor would have a better opinion than me saying 'I think I've got a chest infection' I was quite proud of the fact I thought that's what it was but disappointed when he gave me MORE tablets :(

I don't think I've been on tablets for a few months now, whether it be something basic for a headache or something to cure pain or illness. It's not fun. Although I've just had like a week off college for half term, I think I need a holiday away abroad or something. Just me and Elly in somewhere like the south of France with no worries. If you want to hook me up, get in touch!
I just looked up to see the Rugby on ITV or should I say the mud bath on ITV, it just looks stupid as you can't tell what teams which due to the amount of mud its that bad.

Current affairs chat
Wayne Bridge didn't shake John Terry's hand - Who cares now, its finished lets stop talking about it press :)
Earthquake in Chile - Isn't it amazing that the world is still in shock at an event which we know is possible in that part of the world. Obviously my thoughts go out to the 700+ people's families that have been killed due to the disaster.
BBC announce the Asian Network and 6Music to be dropped - Oh please, yes 600 people will become jobless and that's awful for them BUT these things happen. Even the BBC have money problems, the argument is that 'just sack Chris Moyles' yes great plan people, sack the biggest radio DJ of the past 10 years to solve the problem of money issues. The advantage that the Asian Network and 6Music give to niche markets and up and coming artists is priceless. But the BBC must know this so I assume they will just incorporate that into their other running stations.

That's covered everything important.

Right time to try again at the sleeping thing. Night folks x or good morning.

Ben
x

Losing a sense of reality

2010-02-27T12:23:00.000Z

Listening and watching a lot of news reports this morning they are leading with the story of Chelsea playing Manchester City at lunchtime due to the media reports surrounding Wayne Bridge and John Terry due to Terry's alleged!!! affair with the now ex girlfriend of Bridge. Now although the country have some what been pathetically gripped by this due to the implications of the World Cup this year and England's defensive 'worries'.

The next story Sky News BBC and ITV are going with is the Earthquake that took place in Chile overnight killing at least 73 people and has put over 50 countries on tsunami alert which could in total could surpass the problems that Haiti had. Our media continue to completely fuck around with world affairs and focus on something that will sell. It totally sums up how our media works at the moment. Never mind the world and life changing decisions and events the world experiences, but Terry and Bridge shaking hands which isn't really even an issue to the mainstream and in my mind will just happen as if any other game, Bridge won't look at him I assume he'll just do it like he's just part of an opposition line.

As a football fan and a massive football fan at that, I can understand the interest but to have it ahead of possible world devastation is obscene.

I might start doing more topical blog's as I've quite enjoyed getting angry lol

Comedy

2010-02-20T22:16:00.000Z

I'm sat here on a Saturday night just relaxing really, the family went to Lincoln on Friday morning and I've had the house to myself ever since and will have until the morning when they return.

But now the updates out of the way time to focus on the title of the blog.
Comedy isn't in it's greatest state right now, its struggling to keep up with the times. Loads of comedians are doing tours and some very successful tours I might add but 90% of comedians are doing the same stuff. Observational comedy. Why? Because in my eyes, its easy. Picking at a subject and mocking it into submission. Yes comedians add their own personal touch to it and make it sound about themselves, because that way its funnier. I recently saw a comedian called Tim Vine. Some people may know him from his appearance on Live at the Apollo quite recently where he got a 7 minute slot to show what he's all about. When in fact he does an hour of basically funny, silly, jokey and witty one liners. It's all quite foolish but he does it with such charm. Some people think what he does is tacky and immature and well it is a little but I'm sure he'd be the first to admit it. He is extremely different to such acts as Russell Howard, Peter Kay, Al Murray, Mark Watson and Frankie Boyle. All who in actual fact are different in themselves. Just as a point of record. Frankie Boyle is fucking awful. Scotland, Drugs, Drink and Sex. Don't buy his DVD as I've just done it for you with 5 words.
But comedy is actually becoming a dying art. There used to be comedy double acts that would cover mainstream television such as Cannon and Ball and Morecambe and Wise. But now we have 30 mainstream comedians doing the same thing. This isn't to say I don't enjoy their material and that I don't adopt it in my own material but I miss the slapstick, basic observational stuff that was so prominent back a lifetime ago.

Since I've left YouTube I actually think I've become funnier in my approach to the world. I think the way I talk and the thing I come out with are funnier than a few months ago. Maybe because I've been able to not feel pressured into coming up with material, who knows? But I just think I'm a funnier person.

Right now, life is ok :)

x

This week

2010-02-04T14:05:00.000Z

Has been quite interesting HANG ON A MINUTE!

Right hello, I just had to tell the boy sitting next to me stop tapping the table with YOUR HEAD. Prick.

So I've been playing poker again more and more recently and getting back into the swing of things my new rule just consists of don't play for more than an hour at the weeknd, because I always! lose at weekends. No idea why it just happens that way for me. I'd love to actually have this soley as a poker blog but I don't think people would give a shit. Blunt but true.
Ooo the head tapper just fell of his chair JUSTICE I TELL YOU!

So Elly isn't in college today, well atleast not right now so i've got some English and Media work done and feel good about my life at college. I'm hitting every deadline, doing things well and I'm happy college is going well and I don't want to say this just because I wanted to be able to but, since I've really cut down on using the internet things are looking up. I don't talk to the 4 main people I contact a like a daily basis, Gary Alex Jack and Ellie as much anymore, but I suppose I should have expected that. I don't speak to them half as much as I used to and thats something I miss.

I gave my twitter out on my DoctorBenjy twitter yesterday and I was really 50/50 on whether I should do it or not, I enjoy interacting with people on twitter when it comes to current affairs and that was the thing that swayed me giving it out I think.

I'm quickly going to talk about relationships because its just something I want to put out there. Me and Elly have been together for nearly 16 an a half months. Someone said to me yesterday might have been Gary actually, do you still feel like you're in the honeymoon period of the relationship. I really do, we both do we often talk about the fact it all still feels very fresh and new and neither of us and can it going away. When we spend time together we pretty much do the same things every time but as boring as that may sound it really isn't. Whether we're having a nice romantic moment or sitting around at college or waiting for a bus or just in the car. Everything is new. We talk about everything and anything. I love it, I love having someone who I can call my bestfriend and girlfriend in totally equal measure it all feels so right. I remember when I was like 16 (for me its a long time ago) that I would want a girlfriend that I could call my best friend and thats exactly what I have. It's strange because me and Elly didn't know each other really when we first starting going out, we only knew each other for a week at college as we were in the same media lesson. And ever since that moment I don't regret a thing. Its quite strange for me really because I was never the sort of person to 'rush' into commiting myself to another person, and even with Elly it didn't feel rushed. It just felt right.
I know what a loved up little boy I sound! Well I am.

I do wonder if the other people around college who don't know me or Elly look at us and think 'they look so happy' because we are. So many people at college look unhappy =(
Thoughts?

Ben

FRESH START

2010-01-25T20:17:00.000Z

Here we go, if you follow this blog then lucky you, you'll still get a slice of Ben.

I might blog more actually, because I don't feel tied down by other things I've got more freedom to do this and say what I feel about anything.
All you have to remember is this, I'm writing this blog not as DoctorBenjy or Benjy but as Ben.

Will I talk about Youtube? Unless its brought up in mainstream news and i've an opinion about it no.
People are wondering 'why haven't you just deleted everything'
Twitter - I don't know, I've got a new account and for some reason don't really want to delete the old one. It might be nice to look over all the things I have ever tweeted in like a year or something.
Youtube - There is literally only one reason I've not deleted it. I was featured in August 2008 and dedicated the video to my Grandpa. That is why I can't bring myself to delete it, if that never happened. It'd be gone.
Facebook - As harsh as it sounds I got rid of all of the people I knew just through the internet but it's not deleted because I have real life friends that I obviously keep contact with.
Skype - I got a new skype.
Dailybooth - YOU CANT DELETE THE BUGGER!
Formspring - Has been disabled, You can't delete this either apparently
MSN - Same as Facebook.

Im guessing that the people that will read this are pretty loyal to me personally and don't really care about the whole video making thing so in that case i'll give out the link to my new twitter.
BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING TWITTER.
Correct
I left the twitter that held me to the internet world I have a new one which doesn't do that.

www.twitter.com/benofspades
Its private but if you follow me i'll accept

I guess thats all, I'm doing ok.
I think I know because I am not linking this to 700 people that I don't feel almost censored. And I never said I was getting rid of the blog anyway. Plus I have a linked blog to this which is my Media A Level stuff so I can't really delete it.

Ben

Fed up.

2010-01-20T12:57:00.001Z

So you'll have been linked to this via twitter no doubt as I'm pretty sure people who actually follow this blog will have given up by now.

And can you blame them.

A few of you have noticed and I'm sure one or two more will that I have started to slowly get rid of EVERYTHING that holds me to the internet, its not who I am. It never really was and it never will be. I had my dreams when I was younger and they got shattered, not halted or delayed. Shattered. Literally.

I came to Youtube to start a comedy/vlogging channel in March 2008. Youtube was a different place, I felt inspired, my videos weren't up to much and well some will say they still aren't. You're entitlted to your own opinion. The main reason I joined the online community thing was to gain more friends and in turn have more things to do and more things to keep me occupied. Because in February 2008 I dropped out of college, this was because of my reasons so many people won't understand because I've never let them in. Youtube was all amount helping each other out. Its not really about that anymore. Pretty face and a shoutout from a bigger Youtuber and you're flying. Am I bitter and jealous, a little.

I have NO DOUBT that people will read all this and go 'fucking attention seeking little fucker, we've seen all this before and oh look he came back, hes bound to do the same' And if you think that fine. If it were someone else that I didn't really know I'd most likely have that opinion also, but to the people that will think this, you don't know me. Now that might be YOUR fault or it might be MINE either way its happened.

So yeah basically I'm cutting out everything that the internet holds me to, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Blogtv, Dailybooth, Msn and Skype its all going to become either very quiet on those fronts or just isn't going to exist anymore.

You might all be thinking, but why?

The people on Youtube in real life are lovely (majority)
Online people can be two faced, fake, over expressive, they might show complete disregard for others or upset people from things they say in a video or on twitter. People take it to seriously (I count myself in this) but thats because I got sucked in by it all. Some people think that because they're behind and computer screen and nobody can tell them what to do and they do things that are completely unacceptable in the real world. Bullying, Racist behaviour, or just taking the piss out of minorities. You simply can't and shouldn't be allowed to do that. But Youtube and its people are full of it.
When some people call themselves 'part of the community' I just laugh, because to me theres no such thing not really, yeah a few people help out a few other people but when it really comes down to it. People can't be bothered. It's all to much hard work.

Over the last few months some of the people closest to me let me down. Most of the time without realising and so can I blame them for that? Yeah a little bit because I felt valued as a friend to those people. Maybe I'm being to harsh or critical but its how I feel. I might just be repeating myself by saying all of this. so what. People need to listen.

Jacob Dyer. You are a fucking joke. You treat people like utter shit, you think that because you're behind a screen you can say and do what you like. When I met you in real life at the Festive Gathering, and after weeks of you saying 'I want to talk to Benjy' you stood around all day without even looking at me, until I called you. Then you stood face to face me without being able to justify anything you have ever done. Expecting me to shake your hand? Are you fucking kidding, you think that will just vindicate everything you've ever done, and its bullshit. You thought that we'd stand there shake hands and everyone would forget how much of a cunt you can be? No.You thought you'd go to shake my hand and knew id say no. So you could walk away saying 'I tried' We all tried for months with you and where did it get us, nowhere. You stood opposite me shaking. Because for the first time a Youtuber had stood there without a computer to hide behind and told you exactly what they thought of you. And you went home. Gloated that you'd 'won'. The whole saga with you is fucking pathetic, you sir are fucking pathetic. You continue to talk about me to people behind my back and make jokes and talk about me on your blog and formspring. Well im sorry that by writing this I've come down to your level. Next time you talk about me, tell people what actually happened. Rather than smoother my friendship that I've had with other people in lies and bullshit please. You know nothing about me.
I am officially done with you, you are NOTHING to me.
(For people NOT Jacob Dyer, I felt I needed to clear that up because I get asked all the time about it.)

So what next, who knows, I need to concentrate on college for a little bit. Get through the end of this year and take it from there.
If you've ever known me at all you know exactly what sort of a friend I am. I never treat anyone the way I wouldn't like to be treated. I stick by you. I make sure you know where you stand with me. And finally, Im honest. If you know me at all, you'll sit there thinking about it.

Do I want a song and dance about this whole thing no. I'll tweet it a few times to avoid confusion for some people to what is going on. I won't make a 'leaving video' whats the point?

If you've been part of my life over the last 2 years, thank you for helping me grow as a person but now its time to move on. By the end of this week it'll be like I never existed.

DoctorBenjy@gmail.com

Why give that out? Because I think some people do care about me and I want to give those people a chance to say bye. Thats if they want to.

Ben
x

For people that follow this blog..

2009-12-19T13:19:00.000Z

SORRY

I do actually really enjoy posting blogs but its the 19th of December and my first blog this month!

Basically I've not done much to blog about, actually that might not be true.. I did go to a Youtube gathering which was actually really nice, I met some new people and caught up with some old faces and all in all I had a grand day :D <3

College is going ok, I've not done a whole lot to be honest, just got my head down, trying to work hard. I do find at college though that because people are becoming more aware of my Youtube account and what I do on it that I find myself being a little bit more funny than usual. What I mean when I say that is that I'd always try to find jokes to make or little comments that amuse people but it does feel a little like people expect it now. This can have its perks but also theres numorous times I just can't be bothered!

As I seem to do in every blog I'll write about Youtube, and a blog by Dom 'MyShowbizName' caught my eye, he commented on the state of the community spirit that used to be around so much. He made a point about people not ReTweeting videos etc.. he has a very good point, but this problem has being around for months. It takes nothing to click 'ReTweet' and sure sometimes I don't do it but over the last 2 weeks I've made an effort to help promote more people. This is mainly because its so simple!

The thing that makes Youtube so brilliant is the way we can all rally around each other and help them push on, and because we have things like Twitter and Facebook is so easy to do this. We all know that it only takes a sidebar link or a mention in a video for someone overnight to gain a large amount of exposure. Is this fair? Maybe not, but what good does it do sitting back and saying 'Nah I won't help them out because they've had help before' or 'Why should I retweet them if they don't help me'
All that does it add to the problem.

Maybe you don't agree with what I've said but i'd love to know what you think.

Let me know by either emailing me at doctorbenjy@gmail.com
or just leaving a comment on this post

Thanks

Ben

P.S. My last video has done quite well and i've a new one on the way :D thanks peas!

Download DOCTORDUCK

2009-11-21T19:39:00.001Z

FileDropper Free File Hosting

IdealBid

2009-11-17T21:32:00.001Z

Please watch and comment :)

This blog might not make sense (in need of a better title)

2009-11-04T23:55:00.003Z

Dear Blogger

For a good 5 minutes Ive done nothing but click on and off my blog and stare at the icon of blogger on my toolbar, so this must mean one of two things.
- Derren Brown has taken over my mind and not only predicted the lottery again but wants me to blog
OR
- I myself want to blog and Derren Brown doesn't control me! HE DOESN'T CONTROL ME.

So the whole podcast idea, I think im going to record the first one in the morning, just me doing a brief introduction to what it might include etc etc. I know it all sounds VERY exciting!

I've already mentioned this to the Ranttank crew, but I have got a fear that RantTank could be the death of my channel, my channel is built on ranty rants, and now I'm taking my own format and sticking it onto another channel. I admit that I think posting on ranttank is a positive thing it may have an effect on my own channel, but we shall see. I haven't got any ideas for a video right now but I'm not letting it bother me as I'm taking a very relaxed attitude to Youtube at the moment as its the best way to be, not worrying about getting my videos up or thinking of the next idea, to some it comes very natural. I need to have the idea come to me rather than me going out and searching for it.

I've got a day off from college tomorrow well actually as of this moment its today (Thursday) so me and Elly are going to see the Michael Jackson film at last, we did plan to see it during half term but Elly was ill so it just wasn't possible. Its very odd having a Thursday off then having to go back to college for the Friday, and then next week I've got lots of cancelled lessons because I'm ahead of people, could I sound anymore up my own arse. I should have just written, 'I'm better than them'.

UPDATE ON MY ADSENSE BUSINESS: Google can fuck off.

Sorry if this hasn't made sense rather than writing this I should be asleep.

Thanks for reading anyway :)

Ben....................................................not Benjy :)

HeyHey

2009-11-02T13:37:00.003Z

So I haven't posted in a while, mainly because not much has gone on, my half term was pretty mundane. Elly was ill for the majority of it so I hardly saw her and didn't have any ideas for a Youtube video so I just had a very relaxed week of doing nothing which in a way is nice, but at the same time if you know me you know that I CANNOT STAND being bored and unoccupied.
I do find that I need to be entertained all the time, I just need things to happen or something to be going on that I can get involved with I really need a project to get stuck into, I'm back at college so I'm pretty sure that they'll give me something to get involved with soon enough.
Halloween was on Saturday night as the world is already aware and Great Yarmouth held a Halloween fireworks display which I thought was a bit risky but everything went mildly smoothly, few incidents but I won't go into great detail. Early last week I delete LOADS of people on facebook and msn, its strange cutting off so many people, but without being to cruel I just don't speak to lots of people and have no real need to stay in contact with 100's of people that I only really half know at best. There is lots of people in my life from school etc that I wish I still spoke to on a more frequent basis but we all get on with our lives so theres nothing I can do about it.

The internet has been having a few dramas recently, Ranttank is the main one, if you can even call it a drama. It's pissed a few people off and some people have jumped on board and are very interested in it, some couldnt care less but thats ok. Then theres some people like Jacob Dyer that are just cunts about the whole thing, create rumours that simply aren't true and spoil the whole thing just so they can kept their reputations as 'the cunts of youtube' something that isn't something to be proud of. But it was all VERY secretive yes of course Tino was outed early and then Gary gave himself away to often but not many people knew that me, Conor, Tom and Mike were involved and lots of people were shocked about that which is nice to see the reaction. Some people feel amazingly let down by the whole thing, but you have to remember we never promised anything. All we did was create something for people to try and work out, bitch about and get involved with. Lets hope its a success, its my video tomorrow and I've no idea what im doing compared to Gary whos had it ready for WEEKS! lol if you don't know what im on about then check out http://www.youtube.com/ranttank :D

So as I mentioned before Im back at college and thats where I am now sitting in a computer room with lots of other quiet people. Its strange that I used to get involved with everything whereas now I kind of enjoy sitting back and letting things come to me, its not as exciting but maybe in the long run more rewarding! All my lessons are going well, ive got a few things to get done for tomorrow and I'm going to have to blag some film work that I've not done in about an hour but hey how hard can that be :D

Finally, I posted a video on 'TheLoveHateSociety's' Youtube channel which was me and Gary discussing cheese in a audio/picture format. People seemed to really enjoy it and it got me thinking maybe doing a podcast would be an idea, so I ask the people that follow me on this blog and twitter.
If I were to do a podcast, firstly, Is it a good idea? Would you listen!? :D And how often I should bring them out?

I've already got a format thought out which would involve guests and STUFF, so please take 1 minute to let me know :)

Thanks!

Ben x

A year ago today

2009-10-08T10:01:00.000+01:00

I posted this on my blog

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Sometimes

my dad needs to give me some fucking space

I dont care if my family dont like the fact i swear in my blog, to the rest of the world it means nothing!

=========================
Its the same today, im ill geniuenly ill, and yet because of a track record i had near a year ago he doesnt believe me, brilliant.

Another break

2009-10-05T13:42:00.002+01:00

WAIT NOT THAT SORT OF BREAK!

I mean at college, constantly having time to kill is a little frustrating but I can just about deal with not working. Although Ive got Film Studies next which to be honest can be a little slow at times and people in the class are a little class, but its the most relaxing lesson i suppose.

Elly has a free period last so shes gone home and now I'm sat in a computer room in the corner of college with lots of people who struggle to control there sound volume from their mouths, but never mind. I've got Radio 1 in my ears so its drowning it out somewhat.

I'm not going to do blogtv tonight mainly because I can't be bothered and i found last week a tad mundane so maybe good things come to those who wait, also there might be a chance that I'll be able to play poker live for the first time a while, although its unlikely ill live in hope.

Heartbreaker is playing on Radio 1, I should hate this song but its OK lol

ALSO to those people that a few weeks ago blog responded about the 5 things you can't live without right now, I read all of the ones that were put in front of me twittered or commented on that original blog. So thanks for taking part :)

Right so a week and a half ago I uploaded a video to some people surprise which has done quite well much love to Gary for autoplaying it for a little while <3
I'm not going to mention that I'm suddenly making videos again in an actual video because I actually don't think I need to explain myself, lets just say I had a day in which I wanted to upload a video. How simple.

Sorry that this is all broken up into lots of little paragraphs Ive just got lots of little topics to talk about!

Next: So I have actually scripted another video which I find quite funny so I may make that tonight but we shall see. I've got a few ideas bubbling around and some of them are good so wait and see. I was going to make a video reviewing the new Ricky Gervais film called 'The Invention of Lying' which is really good actually, I'm not going to because it'd be so out of the norm for me to do so, although I was part of a review channel and I once reviewed High School Musical 3, because lets be honest with ourselves its a groundbreaking film at worst!

I'm finding it terribly easy to write this blog its only taken me about 5 minutes to do all of this and I have more to say about lots of different topics currently on my mind so if your still with me then well done for the stamina you clearly have!

Lets talk about college because I don't think Ive really spoken to many Youtubes about that side of me, not to say I'm just aiming this at Youtubes as the link comes up on my facebook of which the majority of my friends arent even away of the hidden Youtube scene. But college this year is interesting, I'm enjoying education fully for what it is for the first time in agesss, maybe about 3 years. English is a struggle some idiots in their particularly one boy who has the face you want to punch repetitively until it bleeds.

Cheryl Coles new song is on and this is the second time today ive heard it on Radio1 today :( its not that good lol

more college talk. I am finding English really easy so its better than having a dickhead in the lesson and struggling with it. Media Studies is really good, I need to work a little bit harder im to relaxed in that lesson if im honest with myself. I really like my teacher i like his style of teaching because quite simply its gels with me and not many teachers over the years have been able to do that :). In PE i have 3 teachers over the course of the week, I did the same course last year and im retaking it this year in order to gain a better Exam grade and bump up my coursework from a C. Like media I need to work harder, i get on with the teachers and this mean my concentration slips a little because im enjoying myself, im sure ill get my head down a little when I need to though :D Like I said earlier about film studies I enjoy it the people in it are alright and the teacher is lovely so alls dandy its just a little quite and I dont really get alot of a silent environment sadly but things can only get better when people get abit more confident, im not really myself in that lesson but thats alright because sometimes we need to be grounded dont we?
So thats college :) its going a lot better than the last years so I cant really ask for much more can I?

So ive written all this in about 10 minutes some sort of blogging record? maybe. Ive still got 40 minutes until Film so hmm what to do now, ive recently re-connected my facebook and twitter because I like it when people comment my status and obviously if their connected theres alot more for people to comment on so its a nice way to connect with facebook people aka the people in my real life world, not the online one that you get sucked into, but im slowly fading out of but thats my own choice. Im sure i'll look back on this time in a few months and think I've made a few mistakes. Because when i look back at around this time a year ago, I was growing up quickly and its strange to look back at things that you can't change, but I wouldnt have done anything in the last year differently so thats good isnt it? :)

Ben x

If you stuck with this post a comment and let me know :D ill be impressed if you read all of this just over 1000 words!!

Down days

2009-09-29T13:39:00.002+01:00

Have you had one of these recently, we all have that at some point, I'm having one today. BlogTv wasn't as exciting as normal last night, I think it was due to the fact I was tired and starting my down day then. I'd lost a few big pots playing poker and it was frustrating to have played well and still lost.
I suppose theres degrees of a downness isn't there,
- You can feel a little narked about something going on but really its not effecting you.
- You have days when you cant be bothered to do anything with yourself and just battle on because you know that 'you have to' or that your told from someone most likely parents that you have to do things a certain way.
- Then you have the days in which you feel so down you can't get out of bed do anything, would rather spend the day in your own company because that way you can't annoy anyone and they can't annoy you.
Today I'm just annoyed because I can't seem to find any passion to do anything, I've got a good video idea but once again the passion is deserting me which is a shame, but this proves more to me that I need to carry on with my break. I know some will say 'But you made a video surely the break is over?' No I'm still on a break from posting a lot etc. That idea was just fresh and i knew if i made a video about it it'd come out well. That's the first time I had a bit of a desire to do something and well I think the end product has come out very well.

I've made a decision about gatherings because people have asked recently are you going to any this year or even next year. I think Summer in the City was my last gathering, I still want to meet people in the real world, and gathering have giving me the chance to travel so much more than I would have. Its nice seeing new people and people Ive met before and cherish but, ill just get people to come and see me from now on and ill go see them because I want to :D

Right im going to stop myself from writing anymore because if I don't ill go on forever!

Ben x

Guinness World Records

2009-09-25T13:07:00.001+01:00

=/

2009-09-24T23:40:00.001+01:00

i NEVER forget what people do for me
but i remember more what they dont

So I might be making a comeback.

2009-09-24T14:13:00.002+01:00

Something I really don't want to do is come back and for lots of people to be like 'Left for attention what a complete dick' Because I really didn't really really really didn't. It wasn't a stunt to get more subscribers or anything I just wanted to take a nice break, and when I announced I was leaving it was likely I wouldn't come back because at the time my mind was set on the whole thing.
Over the last month and and half I have talked to a lot of people about the situation and what i need to do next in order to be happy making YouTube videos again.
Yesterday after a bit of thought I decided to make a video that would be good enough to come back with.
I scripted it which I enjoyed but as a certain Ricky Gervais says there is NOTHING more exciting than the idea of what I could do. So over the next day or two I will upload a video that I hope a lot of you will really enjoy and make you happy that your still subscribed.

I am really worried that people will be annoyed that I've come back so soon BUT at the same time its my channel my life and I can live it the way I want, but at the same time if people that are loyal to me get a bit frustrated with my antics then it'll be extremely disheartening to see that happen, so that's the fear. I know lots of people will be happy to see me return so soon and that is an amazing feeling, the fact I've got over 1700 people still subscribed despite knowing how i feel is just brilliant.

Lets just wait and see :)

Ben x

I haven't got my wallet

2009-09-17T14:22:00.002+01:00

I haven't brought my wallet to college today, and thinking about it I didn't bring it yesterday either. I do feel a little lost without it. It's got cards and money in that I do like having with me for security if nothing else, knowing I have them and somebody else doesn't.

Like for example when my phone isn't on my person I felt quite lost without it. ALTHOUGH when I went to Spain in July I didn't take it out with me anywhere I just left it sitting in our apartment. I suppose it was one way of been on holiday because when at home I always have my phone close to me.

When I was younger I had a little sponge football from the World Cup in 1998 and I took it everywhere and I guess that was the thing back then that I'd always have with me because it sort said who I was. Football obsessed, I still am now but just without as much opportunity. I suppose in life there are things we just can't live without and we joke saying 'I'd DIE without my phone' and things like that when in reality I'd just find something else to get hold of people with and move on with my life

What 5 things RIGHT NOW in your life can't you live without?
(I could live without them but like them close)
Mine are:
Elly
Ipod
Phone
Wallet
Sport

You'll notice Youtube isn't on the list. 6 months ago it would have been near the top strange eh?

Write a blog about the topic i've talked about and let me know when you've done it because im interested!

Or just leave a comment :)

Ben x

BLOGTV

2009-09-16T16:16:00.001+01:00

Come along!

I've blogs coming soon :D I HOPE.

What to do now.

2009-09-06T20:02:00.002+01:00

Hello :)

Thank you for the response to my last blog :D it was really helpful. You all had different opinions which was good, is wasn't all of you saying YES DO IT! which is good.

But i've decided what to do.
BLOGTV: Mondays 7.30 til whenever, But im not going to say im doing it every week because if one week I dont feel like it but ive said to you all im doing it I dont want to be a let down. Im starting tomorrow at http://www.blogtv.com/people/doctorbenjy

So yeah I hope you think thats a good idea let me know. <3

YOUTUBE: Im carrying on with the break until I don't know when. Mainly because if I suddenly appear back people will call me an attention seaking like fucker, something I really can't be bothered to deal with. What I do want to do though is make a thank you video that I can have up for about week, because I've had an amazing response over the last few weeks which is really nice, and I want to say thank you to people.
I do want to know though, is it a good idea, or do you think I should just leave it?

I can say though that im looking forward to tomorrow and blogtv :D

Ben x

Decisions

2009-09-05T00:43:00.004+01:00

This isn't a comedy blog.

I had a great Birthday for those that wondered, today personal was hard I got smashed on the head accidentally with a car boot quite a lot so got some mild concussion and it was the most painful experience ive had in a very long time.
ANYWAY

So over the last 2 weeks i've had a lot of support from all sides, from people I didn't expect to get support from and more support from people I didn't expect.
So many people have told me not to leave and to carry on, to make videos for myself. And as much as I love the people ive met and the subscribers that watch my videos. I simply wasn't enjoying it. I refuse to come back to soon.

Of course theres aspects of Youtube that I miss.

So I want you people that read this to help me and although I half expect to know the answers already, take everything you've seen in videos and read about my situation and answer honestly.

- Should I do one blogtv show every 2 weeks?
- Should I post one video a month until I feel I can produce more?

Just answer in the comments :) (Yes Yes) (No No) (Yes No) (No Yes)
Thank you

In other news I might have different projects on the go aswell.
Me and Lex are planning to do a podcast that we've spoken about for sometime which I actually think would turn out really well. Basically its called DoctorDuck, and the format is unknown, but will/should be good :)
I go back to college on Wednesday which is going to be strange but fine I suppose.

Also, I really really really want to make a thank you video, the support I've had recently has actually been really overwhelming, some messages and comments make me happy cry which is sweet i know lol. But I do worry that if i make a video people will get all 'You said you were leaving you fucking attention seeking twat' And it'll be a bit =/ I know its my channel and could do what I like but I do value what people think.

Comment and let me know what you think on everything

Ben x

Summer in the City.

2009-09-01T21:28:00.002+01:00

Hello
ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY 1st of September never forget it!

So on the Saturday just gone it was Summer in the City 2009, I love that i've put 2009 purely because of the 2010 announcement.
And considering Im leaving Youtube for there to be such a big turn out just because I was leaving well I was over come, i've never had such a decent leaving party.

But I wasn't really myself, I felt quite shy not my normal self, I had a conversation with Gary and he said its because I didn't really have anything to promote which was true, I didnt need to sell myself, if I didn't leave id have pushed myself a bit more. I was suprised to how many people knew me aswell, I still find it weird that im known, I had lots of people come up to me and be like YOUR DOCTORBENJY. Im like yes I am.
But I was sad walking away apparently people want to talk to me on skype about the situation so we'll see if that happens. When I was walking away from the Gathering I bumped into Paul (CheekyChen) and we had a chat for a while, because he noticed I was on the brink of tears. I know poor Benjy. I really didnt want to watch away from the gathering with regrets but I did, theres so many people I wish I had more confidence with to talk to, its rare for me to be like that but I felt a bit awkward around people, I think a few people think I blanked them which I really didn't mean to do. Lots of people tried to convince me to stick around and make videos but its just not right at the moment. To sum up SITC was a plus 3 :P I know im still rating things like that LOL.

TODAY is my BIRTHDAY.
Teoh the sly little bugger has been all around the world it seems getting people to say nice things about me and make a video, which he posted today. Its made me cry. Not impressed!
But their are lots of people in it that I love. Im surprised Kristina is in it (although shes no idea who I am, I intend to contact her :D because i feel i should be like HEY YOU DONT KNOW ME!!) She was actually the first fiveawesomegirl I subscribed to. And Alex had nice things to say about me which was really nice :) I sent him a message recently which part of me regrets so intend to send him another one to clear the air i suppose. I love Teoh for this video, Oooooo im calling him Teoh haha TINO TO YOU NORMAL FOLK.
So thank you SO MUCH to everyone who was in it :D

I've had a good couple of days.

Soon im going to start doing COMEDY BLOGS. I hope you'll like them. Let me know in the comments if you think its a good idea. Or if you met me and want to talk to me more add me on skype: BenjyCarr (I whore this out far to much Im a stalkers dream and not just because im fit.) TALK TO ME MORE.

Ben :)

Summer In The Ciry

2009-08-28T11:12:00.002+01:00

Although in my video titled 'Im Leaving' I said I wasn't going to this gathering it turns out now that I am, its a bit of a journey though :( Not because of time, but because there's loads of changes.
Great Yarmouth - Norwich (Train)
Norwich - Ipswich (Train)
Ipswich - Stansted Airport (Bus)
Stansted Airport - Liverpool Street Station

Then a couple of tube journeys. So lets hope I actually make it in time.

I just got a letter saying I failed Science that's good news. It's not but I just can't help been sarcastic.

I really hope SITC will be a success, the amount of people going is insane but I really hope for the sake of the people that are organising it that it'll go well, but we shall see.
I'm going to get really sad though which will be a shame but equally it'll be the fact certain people mean a lot to mean, Im looking forward to meeting people that i've spoken to for over a year now which will be really good actually. I just hope i leave the day knowing that mean leaving is the right thing to do :)

So for those of you that are going, I'll see you on Saturday/Tomorrow :)

Ben

Youtube.

2009-08-25T23:16:00.003+01:00

All I ever talk about on this bloody blog is YouTube or so it seems.

But this is something that I want to address all the ins and outs of YouTube.
Maybe I haven't spoken enough about my reasons to leave, although it's quite hard to blog about your true Youtube feelings without upsetting people. Its like an unwritten rule on Youtube that if you slag people/situations off then you get taken out of the community without even knowing it.

People forget that Youtubes just a website, yes a website with a difference you can't go on many websites and find a hidden group of people behind the template of videos. It does frustrate me the way people use what they have, because a lot of people waste it. People make videos in a vlogging capacity for 3 reasons and if you don't make videos for this reason in my opinion your a liar.
1. The attention factor purely out to get seen, in the hope one day you gain some sort of career and fame.
2. The want factor, you just want to be loved, been able to upload a video and no that you'll have 1000 strong quickly commenting and singing your praises.
3. For the fun of it, I say fun but to many people treat YouTube has a job.

None of these apply to me at the moment hence ive left.

These kill people, thats what forces people to quit. And with the 'new breed' sprouting up which I think have all done brilliantly and the majority deserve the recognition. I think that sooo many people in the next few months with in a way follow my path, its different for me I joined YouTube during abit of a strange period. There was already an established group and then there was nearly a year gap THEN a sudden burst of vloggers just appeared out of no where. And because of when I appeared I just watched it happen around me not really knowing whether I should try keep up or just let it happen. The thing is that my quality of video improved my editing was slack and jump cuts. WHAT were they?!
When I say follow my path I mean leave the site, maybe not admit to leaving it but just have periods of a few months where they'll lose all passion and just not be arsed basically. Trust me it'll happen to a select view and I can see who it'll be already. I don't want people to read this and be like 'oh he quits Youtube and suddenly knows it all.' No, its just i've been around for long enough to see people come and go and how the 'system' works.

Youtube is a like working as a bin man without qualifications. Yeah its fine to start off because theres not much else to do, but soon it becomes a routine that you cant get out of, when people say this as an opening line of a video its time to take a long break or stop. 'Sorry ive been a away for ages i thought it was time i made a video for you guys'
Yes your making videos to show off to subscribers but it shouldnt be to impress them they are already subscribed its about pushing new limits with videos.

'Famous Youtubers'
Thats right they are famous Youtubers, but when people treat them like royality its a fucking joke. If you went up to someone in the street and said, Have you seen the new Smosh video, they'd look at you and laugh in your face. Youtube is a entirely different world. Its built on egos, depression and the want to be loved. Saying this its also built on talented musicans comedians film makers and unique video vloggers with certain styles that make them something different which makes you want to watch. But they all have these traits somewhere.

I can't wait to go to Summer in the City and say lots of goodbyes to people, ill miss the fuck out of some people and knowing that I wont see any of them again really hurts, but at the same time it'll be the same group mentality which occasionally ive fallen victim to. When people dont come to gathering people are almost offended that they have a social life not revolving around Youtube. If your reading this now and are going to SITC. Come and talk to me please, no matter who you are it doesnt matter to me. I want to talk to everyone if I get the chance.

Its inevatable that people will disagree with what ive said and some people will agree with what ive said. Its fine. Its my opinion it can be contrived but its never wrong its just OPINION.

Thank you for reading and please comment and let me know what you think :)

Ben

Thank you all lots.

2009-08-24T00:52:00.002+01:00

So it's been a few days since I announced id leave Youtube and well the support I've received is just overwhelming. I've read every comment and message and blog comment believe me, and although as of this moment im still sort of taking in the response and I will reply to everything :) just give a day or so.

Some people seem to be confused when I say I lack support, I dont mean the support of the peas your all brilliant and you've been a pleasure to interact with. Its more that I dont have the support of the people with say 8000 subscribers or more to push me to the next level. So i'm stuck working hard with no reward because it feels like nobody wants to give me a break for whatever reason, I'm not bitter but when you start to feel like nobody wants to help obviously it sets you back a little.

With the things i've said over the last few days, at no point have I tried to come across as jealous, arrogant or simply looking for attention, I just wanted to move forward with things over the last 2/3 months and haven't and felt it was time to be realistic. If your thinking that you dont no whether or not to talk to me etc in messages or skype PLEASE DO! My skype is 'BenjyCarr'
I love talking to new people and hearing what you all have to say its been a breath of fresh air to hear all of your views and i'll be honest I didn't ever realise how much people cared :(

Thanks again

Ben

P.S. I'll be updating this a lot more now it'll end up been the place where I talk about things that id usually make a video about its just nice to have a form of input. So feel free to favourite this page or put it on your google reader etc I dont really know how people keep up with blogs.

x

Lets have a little chat.

2009-08-21T23:08:00.003+01:00

So I assume a few people are totally confused to why I've got rid of everything on my Youtube channel, well I think people deserve to know why. Firstly let me say I'm not doing or saying anything for attention I'm just going to let people know how I feel about things.

Ive been on Youtube over a year and a half.
Ive got a following of apparently 1500 people, which if you know me at all then you understand how much they/you all mean to me.
Right now I don't feel wanted and if I'm honest with myself I don't really think I ever have. Yes I've met some incredibly people on the way and yes I get on with 99% of people on Youtube, but theres a difference between been wanted and been known. In my time on Youtube right now, I don't care. I feel everything is just a struggle, I'm not doing well as far as stats are concerning etc, I've put work in and I'm basically not getting the return that I want. I get people saying 'you deserve more subs' and part of me thinks yes I do, but that doesn't give me 10,000. I've never seen subscribers as a trophy, I see them as a group of people that enjoy what I do. Have I got regrets from things I've done on Youtube. YES! I wish Id spoken my mind more, been myself more and kept in touch with people more. Theres a list of people that mean the most to me without even knowing it and the people on Youtube that have changed my view on things, and I wouldn't usually do this but I'll name them.

Jess(xbrokenmindedx) who to most people is old school, helped me out when I first got going and I won't forget that.

The people that used to come into my Stickam rooms and that I became friends with and wish I was closer to now, Darren Jade Pav Chris Rory Sophie and many others.

NSG, the person that inspires me to reach for things and really try to get them, someone I was so nervous about meeting and ended up realising their one of the nicest people ive ever met.

Alex Day and Jimmy Hill. (Nerimon + Jimmy0010) 2 people who I really admired when I first started out, Although Jimmys gone slightly AWOL over the last year and Alex's videos ha vent been to my particular taste etc, I haven't forgotten about the influence they had on me.

Youstage (Gathering) - The people that I met at this gathering were amazing I got closer to people I admired and found out how well a group of Internet obsessed people could get on in the real world for 3 days straight and equally share my 18th Birthday with me :)

The new breed - To which there are so many people, you might not even consider yourself in that group. But you know who you are im sure. People that I met at Youstage, Uncliche Gathering and most recently The Love Hate Society Gathering. You have all helped me along the way with things some of you rose to quickly for my liking, and yes part of me is most likely jealous of this fact, but I still respect all of you for having the drive to make things work.

The people I have gotten close to over the last few months most notably Gary, Tino and one or 2 others that have really made an impact on my life, been someone to talk to even though you don't think anything of it at the time you make things easier.

Basically theres been lots of people that have been on the journey with me and most recently the BLOGTVers and the Peas! You've keep me going over the last few weeks and you surely all know how much I think of you all.
Theres lots of people I haven't mentioned in this blog that I know I should, and if you ever think I ha vent paid you enough attention or I've been distant with you then believe me that's never what I've wanted. If I had it my way I'd get to know all of you people that follow what I do and support me, even if I've never said thank you, just be safe in the knowledge that im thankful for everything however big or small.

And what happens now.
I've officially quit thelovehatesociety and have already got a replacement that I know will do an amazing job :)
I'll still keep an eye on my channel as I don't what to lose touch with some people, just remember if you need help with anything or just need the Doctor to give you a bit of advice you know exactly where I am :) Skype: BenjyCarr lol

Ill look at what I want to do in December or something or the new year, and maybe you'll see a new Benjy :)

Thank you for reading this and sticking with it

Ben xxx

The Dentist

2009-08-19T16:42:00.000+01:00

A stressful morning

2009-08-10T13:37:00.003+01:00

Hello

So this morning ive had a nightmare of a time, Windows Service Package 3 or something was installed on my PC and well that meant Windows Movie Maker basically said 'Fuck off Ben' and only within the last 10 minutes have I got it sorted it only took me 3 hours =/

So over the weekend i've been filming for Great Yarmouth Tourism and the UK Volleyball Championships so I can make a few clips/videos to send away to the British Olimpic commity for 2012 I filmed for hours and got 40 minutes of footage which i imagine 30 minutes worth is use-worthy but it was a good event so I think it'll come out well.

I've got to sort out Tuesdays video about the Dentists tomorrow, im getting a little frustrated with the lack of support I get from some people, like its fine that people are busy during the summer, but i need a bit of help at the moment so if you could help out where you can that'll be great :)

I might start doing BlogTv shows on Mondays as thats the day when most people are about I think so yeah comment the blog or @reply me on twitter and let me know.

I'll try and blog every day for the rest of the summer but promises I try to keep with my blog just go wrong and I forget about things.

Benjy

The Doctors

2009-08-05T15:58:00.001+01:00

yes

ITS WEDNESDAY

2009-07-29T11:52:00.002+01:00

It's not actually that important as a day, I've not actually got much going on.
I did say I was going to blog about my holiday, but I might use it for a video so I won't reveal it now :D

I've set myself the challenge of getting 2000 subscribers by September so to help me do that I'm going to put up 2 videos a week only if I think the quality is good enough though, and the 3 Ive already wrote up are alright, and I've got 2 more ready to write as well actually no 3, yes I could have gone back and re typed that. :(

So Spain was good, really good, it was so hot though, the hottest day was 42 degrees C so it was a bit of a shock to come home to 16 lol.
We flew to Malaga which takes about 2 and a half hours, both flights there and back were OK. We went all around the Costa Del Sol which was cool, Feunguriola (I cant spell that), Mijas which was close to where we were staying, Purto Beunis, Rhonda and Gibraltar which was stunning, ill put some pictures on Facebook of the views and some monkeys!

I got sunburn on the first night, then developed a sore throat and a cold which was great :D I became grumpy but it didn't really spoil things, I just couldn't lie down and wearing t shirts really hurt lol Its finally today all healed :D
It was my first holiday with Elly which made it really special aswell :D im pretty sure it wont be the last :)

So to sum up expect to see lots more of me on Youtubes im still technically on a break lol

Speak sooooon
Benjy

I'll blog about my holiday soon

2009-07-27T13:48:00.002+01:00

Day by Day account of what happened! :D

Hope you'll stay tuned, ill start tomorrow :)

Benjy

This deserves a blog on its own.

2009-07-07T19:00:00.002+01:00

Rest in Peace

Michael Jackson

a blog full of numbers

2009-07-06T23:16:00.002+01:00

So I just thought Id run you by some of the numbers I have concerning Youtube recently well since January.. just to show that it takes time to gain subscribers.

January - 62
February - 38
March - 149
April - 148
May - 360
June - 201

It's all about the snowball effect.

Since the turn of the year ive commented on over a 1000 profiles :D
I still love doing it!

Thank you all
I've got so many videos ready for August! :D I may even come back early. Ive got some insperation back :P

Ben

I only blog on Wednesdays it seems..

2009-07-01T09:52:00.002+01:00

But that's most likely down to time, I have 3 hours on Wednesday mornings before college and so that sort of provides me with the time.

College is a strange place really, education in general is quite weird, how we all know where we are going at certain times, seeing people in corridors saying hello, when in reality you think that person is a bit of a dick.
The way people sort of eye each other up and mutter 'what the bloody hell is he/she wearing.' The way that word 'gay' is still used as an insult because people apparently still see it as wrong. For some reason there's some sort of hierarchy that nobody will speak of but you all know exists. I hate walking around college and seeing people sitting/standing around on their own, I'm really lucky to have Elly around and live only a bike ride away from college, people that live miles away must find it quite difficult.

People like I did just over a year ago see college as a chore like something they have to do rather than something they can go into a lesson work hard and enjoy the lesson. I'll be the first to admit as a student of education in general I've let myself down, I could have worked a lot harder but just didn't want to for what ever reason, I always behaved I wasn't one to sit at the back of the class throwing things been a twat etc, but I never worked as hard as I knew that I could. Its sad.

I guess I lacked drive, the way I was kept at school I imagine was that if i didn't go I wasn't aloud to play football at the weekend for my club, so it was either fine don't go to school but you cant play at the weekend. Football was my love, just my passion, when I look back Girlfriends and teen things like that never interested me, I'm not really one to go out and get smashed out of my head on alcohol because I don't want to spend money on a headache the next morning, I know Id have a good time but would it be worth it?

Do you ever get that weird feeling where you sit in a room on your own in a room and sigh at your own life? Just feel inept almost as if you don't belong? I did a lot last year when I wasn't doing anything productive with my life, yeah I worked a bit but nothing id consider pushing my life further on.
It really really really frustrates me that people outside of 'YouTube' don't 'get it' they just ask me why do you do it? or sarcastically say 'make a video about it.' to be honest i just laugh it off because its all a bit pedantic. All these cocky confident fronted people that are in those certain groups of colleges society in front of a camera talking about their life showing of there skills, or in my case trying to make people laugh.

Just once id love to see them try.

June 24th and I'm in a shoddy mood

2009-06-24T10:39:00.002+01:00

So I'm having one of those 'im going to delete my youtube account' sort of moods.

Tonight im doing blogtv and most likely announce that it'll be my last one until August, so all the pea's will be there and it'll be really good fun! I hope...

But Ill post another video soon on my channel and then nothing til August, im just going to take a break from it all. I'll still be on skype to talk to and things like that but it's not that I feel overloaded by Youtube because I don't I have taken a big step away from it this year. Although I've enjoyed it loads this year gaining a 1000 subscribers, going to the gathering and all sorts was really good. I dont want this blog to become a sob story because its not but if one more person says 'You think your a Youtube celebrity but your not' im going to go mad. There is no such thing as a Youtube Celebrity they do not exist, what makes me a Youtube celebrity? The fact I go on blogtv alot and ask people to come along and chat? That I made a video rapping about the Youtube community and wanted it to do well? Im sorry if you think i'm a Youtube celebrity because your deluded.

I enjoy interacting with lots of people getting to know new people entertaining them in what ever way I can.
Its nothing to do with 'becoming famous'

So to sum up:
Last blogtv until August tonight
My next video will be my last until August

Anyway i've got to go reply to fan mail from all my Youtube fans, I might not reply as theres so many so dont be disappointed!

Finally if you have a problem with me, can you just tell me rather than just talk about me?

Benjy

YouTube Community Rap

2009-06-17T22:32:00.001+01:00

I actually like it :)

I must blog more.

2009-06-16T15:58:00.004+01:00

I predict Ive had that as a title for a blog before but I really should, I did go through a phase when I did it a lot and getting things out in the open does help with things but I guess recently I've not needed this as an output as everything has just been going really well.
But for those of you that read this you must care a little to what I have to say, so I might as well let you know.
I've done all my first year exams, in fact I finished last Friday and it feels good actually, having got that year which to be honest was very up and down out of the way. I'm back at college now which to be honest is good, Elly not really enjoying it already as all of a sudden I have gone from having 3 free blocks to 12, which means that obviously I'm not at college as much which consequently means I wont see her as much but we'll work round it. I'm currently only studying 2 subjects (Media and PE) that both have projects that interest me so it should be good fun. College is still a bit weird for me all of the 2ND years have left now (the year I was in at school) so a lot of friends have moved on to work or high education and University so for me more than most college feels quite empty. I just hope that me been this positive about work and college carries on into next year and I don't let the summer drain me. A year ago today I was a TOTALLY different person with things being so far away from what they are now its surreal for me. I have to say I love my life right now, everything good, obviously there are a few things that could change to improve it but I reckon that they'll come in time.

Moving onto the Interwebs.. Youtube is looking really positive my subscribers go up everyday by about 5 which is steady progress for me, which I like. It's weird that I value Youtube alot more now that I've taken a step back from it, I used to be to involved and you get caught up and burn out but looking at everything from a distance is fun. I've got a video to film tomorrow which will be really satisfying to make as I've always wanted to do something like it and well finally I am with a little help from a friend!

I WILL blog more I promise.

Benjy

P.S. If you do read my blog can you just comment to let me know, not because I want to know who reads but because I have no idea how many people do! Thank you folks :)

1000 subscribers!

2009-05-31T18:37:00.003+01:00

Ahh well this is exciting!

I've been working for over a year to reach this! Finally its happened.

When I look back at been on YouTube its been really good! I've achieved some really cool things.
I was always quite shy up to the age of 15 with doing public speaking and reading out loud and things like that. But then towards the end of High School I became alot more chirpy and then the first year of college rolled around and I sort of hid away in some lessons and became more foolish in others. Left college started vlogging.

And wow does it do wonders. Its weird that you gain a sense of achievement a lot, almost every video in fact when you see a response from people its so nice that people take the time!
Ive joined a successfully and worthy collaboration channel with some really amazing people on it :)
I got featured! for a video I was so proud of
I get asked to take part it little projects here and there
Ive had really amazing blogtv shows recently
Been to gatherings around the country which has been great!
Which led to me meeting some brilliant people and some who are extremely talented.
I've gained so much from been around this 'Internet freaks' that are looked at as loser's by people in the 'mainstream'
I like to think Ive educated a few people in what our YouTube community really is, trying to make them understand things and show them people with talents for comedy, music or just have intelligent opinions on things and also the budding directors and film makers that our community as to offer!

Even Elly (Girlfriend) had no idea about YouTube, thought it was the place to watch music videos and funny clips of people falling over.
But we have so much more than that, Ive had moments of doubt about us but the tricks to YouTube are not to take it to seriously and just to enjoy it. Make videos for yourself don't try and target a group of people because you create your own unique group of people and well I have my tins of peas <3 who are amazing :)

Thank you all for subscribing :)

Ben x

I have a lovely girlfriend
A great family who care
Awesome college friends

And a whole other world which I need broadband to connect to....

Things are sweet :)

BlogTV

2009-05-18T14:24:00.002+01:00

Someone people loath it some love it, im sort of in the middle, sometimes it can be really boring, watching someone for hours doing nothing..just waiting for something to happen. Some people prefer stickam, although Blogtv is so much more user friendly and faster, I used to find stickam so slow and lag was just common.

But last night I did about a 2 hour show on blogtv, I say show I NEVER plan anything just sit and chat and get idea's as they come to me, I don't really want to just sit there and ramble after all I want people to see a different side of me when doing it a more real side compared to the performance I put on in videos, which people that know me don't really understand and people that don't just think im always like that, but on blogtv im just myself!

Last night was great though my favourite show ive done ever, if you missed it, it consisted of...

Lex drunk.. she wasn't but it certainly seemed that way
Been rung 6 times and once
Trying to hang myself with an England scarf while Lex took over.. only for mother to walk in and just have the biggest look of distain possible on her face.
Playing headbandz with 40 people was amazing
Finding each other on Omegle.com which was painful and got boring as time went on but was fun at times :)
Talking to subscribers and friends for ages just about life in general
Discovering Elly was in the room :)

I just try to make it fun, and try to get people to ignore the fact they are wasting their time watching me :P

So if you were there last night THANK YOU, you made it very enjoyable.
And if you weren't then be there next time
www.blogtv.com/people/doctorbenjy

Benjy

Blogging

2009-05-17T12:05:00.002+01:00

I really wish that i'd do it more, there was a time last year where I could do it so easily everyday just write about my day just getting things out in the open it was nice actually just unloading things I had on my mind onto here, not caring who read it or what people thought of it.
But I don't know I, look at my blog everyday just to check my blogroll and just think that I have so much in my head I could ramble about but just have the view of I can't be bothered.
I just dont think people would care, like this blog to be honest it's utterly pointless but just feel that I wanted to blog about something.

Like every blog ill decend into Youtubeness now,
So im doing well as far as people subscribing is concerned. in March and April i gained 100 subscribers in each month and i'd just like to keep that up to be honest, something I really enjoy doing although I often get back logged on it, is saying thank you to everyone that subscribes. I just like doing it and i not sure why, the reason I do it is because if people have the time to subscribe to me, I should have the time to say thanks. I'll always do it even if I ended up with 50,000 subscribers or whatever i'd still do it.
I was talking to a Youtuber recently actually and they said 'I dont know why you havent got more subscribers'
I know exactly why because im not arrogant enough in videos or im not bitchy enough in them. Or im simply not goodlooking and for some reason that is a big factor lol.

Anyway im off now to revise for a PE exam that I have on Tuesday, and I wish my mum and dad would stop saying Study Leave isnt a holiday, believe me IT IS!

The Weather

2009-05-08T13:59:00.002+01:00

Make your bloody mind up, half the people at college today are in shorts thanks to your deceptive morning of sunshine but NOW! and specifically during my outdoor session of football this morning you decided to piss it down! Brilliant.
And now! as I have a hoody and trousers on you decide to beam sunlight in every direction.

Tomorrow I'm just doing to carry and umbrella around everywhere, OK maybe not the shower that may defeat the object.

Benjy

I have...

2009-04-26T01:26:00.000+01:00

NEVER FELT SO IN LOVE

I do love my sister

2009-04-25T15:03:00.004+01:00

She just handed me this card/letter. Its because we had a silly arguement about garden furniture.

x Sorry x (Front cover)

Love u always
Even if we have an arguement.

To Ben
I am sorry about what happened. I have given this to you because I love you AND i dont really want it. PTO

Love Beth

p.s. If Elly wants a bit she can only if its ok with you <3 :)

21st of April NOT BEDA

2009-04-21T09:18:00.002+01:00

Hi Guys!

Right then, I've got college in half an hour, well that's when I have to get ready. I hope your all doing well. Ive been with Elly 7 months today! Good times.

So lets talk YouTube, Its becoming more and more apparent that I'm the favourite member of thelovehatesociety not because I actually am, but because I make videos!! LOL someone actually left a comment on my last Thursday video saying 'Your on the verge of been my favourite' ON THE VERGE, its like this person has a league table with us all on and you gain points for making a video. Ive still got to get money together to go to the most organised Youtube gathering EVER.

I'm struggling on coming up with idea's for a new video, I'm not sure whether to do a sketch, a rant or something bigger like my featured video. I've got like lots of little ideas but nothing that i really want to use.

Moving on to talk about college.
Well wow, OK well things were going shit. My attendance was low I wasn't enjoying it one bit. This was 3 months ago. I got put on dismissal. And well now its great, I'm handing all my work in on time and getting things planned ready to hand in, in advance. It's wierd that I put myself in a position that I saw college as a chore not an experience, but recently I've flipped that round and I'm trying to enjoy everyday I'm there. Im really lucky actually mainly because in my lesson's there aren't those people that you'd have in High School sitting at the back been a complete twat, yeah you'd laugh along to fit in but think in the long run, shut the fuck up. I never really have a dull lesson, i dont really allow it. I don't no why I sort of feel as if in some lessons I should take it upon myself to make it more lively. I quite like been the funny one, it might be hard when im down one day.

So yes lifes good, infact thinking about it really good, its not been this positive for a few years, im quite looking forward to finishing off this year, but then again i've not done my exams yet.

Back on to a Youtube issue. The site changes have done nothing to anyone to be honest. I think YouTube noted the reaction and bottled in and put it all on hold. Also a Youtuber I look/looked up to has frustrated me recently, he talks about how he whats someone as like a 'Youtube Assistant' to read his personal messages etc, how up your own arse do you have to be to say that. If I was him i'd be thriving on reading peoples thoughts etc. Its not about managing time its about making that time worth while. This person went down in my estimation (If you clever you'll know straight away who this is)

We're so lazy as a country we always want things spoon feed to us, and that is a perfect example. Im not perfect I could do a lot more for myself and the people around me but it's about progression of be able to adjust.

Right im done i have to go to college now it's nice having a free first period though :)

Speak soon

Benjy

I FOUND MYSELF ON OMEGLE

2009-04-16T15:39:00.001+01:00

I must be the first person to do this ever!!

Stupid women on facebook

2009-04-13T17:32:00.002+01:00

I was browsing the groups on facebook and came across one thats called something along the lines of, 'We wont use facebook if they charge us'

Scroll down to the wall posts and I find this..
'i will sue if we have 2 pay for this site cuz that is bull cr@p'

She's going to sue facebook for giving her the option to pay?

Idiot

This is the sort of thing that makes me want to hit a middle aged american women GRRR

Benjy

Saturday before Easter

2009-04-11T14:25:00.002+01:00

Hello to those of you that still note that I have a blog :)

It's been a long time since I've written on here to be honest. Things have been going well with me though, I have successfully had a great few weeks at college although I'm currently on my Easter holiday which is the first holiday in a long time that i deserve! I worked my arse off during the last 2 months at college to get everything back on track. And it is. I'm alot more positive going into to exams soon than I would have been a few months ago.
For those of you that don't already know and have an interest i study Science, Sports Coaching, Media Studies and PE. All are good fun with lots of good people in :)

Things with Elly are going amazingly well, I'm just a happy bunny, I might make a video or just blog something about relationships soon I really don't know how comfortable I would be doing so.
I've lost so much in the last few years and gained only recently things I previously had, theres lots of things still missing, like my active role in Sport has decreased alot the fact I was doing something amazing for a year without anyone even knowing due to the fact I couldn't let them (far to complicated to explain).

I gained lots of new friends over the last few months friends that I wouldn't have come into contact with unless I'd made silly decision's in my past.
Although I believe its not about the decision's you make, and that its more what about what you do after the decision.
YouTube over the last few months has been going brilliantly.
For some people my subscriber count isn't alot, there's fine because to me it is!
In March I gained over 150 new subscribers and already in April im over 70. I find it quite funny that people used to say.. 'it takes a long time to gain a good number of subscribers' i used to think yes and you can say that because you have them, but they're right.

My Dad's just pissed me off, he can be so insentive making asumptions that just aren't fair! grrrrr nevermind.

Right so that's all, im ill at the moment which is a slight pain had a weird rough night.
Speak sooner rather than later im sure

Benjy

Youtube

2009-04-09T23:10:00.000+01:00

You killed Thursday for me today!

Subscription box nightmare! grrrr

VLOG 1

2009-04-07T18:37:00.000+01:00

Enjoy :)

April the 5th a day of wonderful things....maybe

2009-04-05T11:17:00.003+01:00

So i'm currently sitting in the living room of my cousin's house with Elly, its the second time shes come to Lincoln with my family and well its just lovely :)
So lets talk Youtube,
In the month of March i gained well over 140 subscribers which got me past my goal of 500 and Im now at 610 as I write this, thats amazing! Im actually really pleased that, that many people would take the time and even find out about me, alot of this goes down to Barry Aldridge and TheLoveHateSociety which im very grateful for.
Im starting to get more hater's! I say more its the occasional one though, giving me abuse................... I LOVE IT!
The fact they think for atleast 10 minutes coming up with something witty is genius. Then I reply and they never have a comeback which to be honest upsets me slightly.

In other news I promised people that I'd vlog everyday this week which is very possible but the fact I can't be bothered and im a bit limited with material is a problem but we'll see what happens anyway. I also intend to finish the sharing series this month after a 6 month absence of that, people have probaly forgotten about it all.
Ok so i've got to go now and be part of the family chat.

Speak soon
Benjy.

A funny story about a 2 of clubs

2009-03-30T21:12:00.002+01:00

It involves Me and Elly and it was quite humorous hopefully you'll find it quite entertaining and its not one of those 'You had to be there' moments.

We were playing Rummy (card game)

And Elly picked up the 2 of Clubs...

Ben: Has that card helped you?
Elly: Nah its just a safety card really (safety as in, to help her win another way from her current plan)
Ben: Safety card lol?
Elly: Yeah
Ben: That's good because I was worried what i'd do if a burglar came in but now i know to hind behind your safety card
Elly: LOL
Ben: If it floods will just hop on your safety card everthing will be fine. AHHH he's got a gun! get behind the safety card!

More lols happened but I have a fear of over kill!

On another note me and Elly are watching The Sex Education show vs Pornography did they really need to say 'This show contains scenes of a sexual nature and sexual references' if it didn't id be more likely to complain, also they just mentioned BLIND PORN. If you get the call to do blind porn, it cant be a good day in your life.
Agent: I've got you a job
Pornstar: Yeah, tell me more??
Agent: its paid, COUGH and for the blind COUGH
Pornstar: dies inside.

Thanks for reading :)

1 year on.

2009-03-18T08:13:00.002Z

It was my YouTube birthday yesterday, I was going to make a video but decided against the idea as I think those videos are sort of boring to watch and didn't really have the time or effort required to do it and make it look good. But I've got just over an hour before I have to get up for college as I have a free period first which is lovely.

So whats happened in my first year of been on YouTube well for those of you that don't know I'm going to summarise.
Well when I came to YouTube I didn't know what there was a community although Youstaged was what brought me in, I can't actually remember the day when I said im going to be a YouTuber maybe I never did.
But I joined Stickam and made a few friends on there and started developing subscribers which looking back is quite surprising because my videos were of a less than average quality and I don't know if those people watch me now.
I spoke to people a lot more such as Jade Darren Pav Jess Rory and so many more and all of them were so lovely :) and still are.
Because I wasn't in education I didn't have much to do in life, so made video's, I can safely say that if I didn't drop out of college then I wouldn't be on YouTube, but now I am back at college and enjoying it and can be on Youtube at the same time.
Things scuttled round to May and I went to my first gathering which i'll never forget it was so brilliant, I went to Jess' house and met Johnny and Spencer, who I wish I spoke to more! We travelled down to London and went to NSG's house, NSG is still the Youtuber I respect the most, mainly due to the fact he's the most honest Youtuber I've ever met, not to say that the others are all lier's! just that the thing that hits you with him is his personality been pure.
Anyway that was on a Saturday and on the Sunday I was featured! =O
The proudest moment of my time on the site, seeing my video on the front page.
A day i'll never forget when Johnny rang me to tell me and everyone saying well done down the phone! so amazing.

Then I went to more gatherings that were cool, Youstage rocked round where I got closer to lots more people and met some amazing ones, Georgie, Brooke, Tino, Myles Rory, Lewis and ahhhhh so many more that just made Youtube a place to treasure.
I had a bit of a moment at Youstage that I won't revisit and also had my 18th! which was soo cool, been with so many people that i'd met just that weekend all singing Happy Birthday etc is just =D

Admitedly after Youstage things went downhill for me a bit as far as Youtube was concerned I had college to keep me busy and become a concern. So took a break.

October brought the Chris Lomas gathering which was the last one I went to actually, I intend on going to 2 gathering's this year TheLoveHateSociety one and another I'm not sure about yet. The Lomas one was really good actually, I hung out with Dan a lot, who I dont know who reads this but he's cool. lol
Talked to more people and got to know people a lot better, met Jazza who I admire a lot. just lots of people that are so easy to talk to.

Since then I was quite inactive until February when I sort of stopped my 2 month break and made lots of videos at once. Im now on 530 subscribers and thank you to Barry and thelovehatesociety for getting me up to that 1000 is the next target, and i'd love to get it by the end of May, its possible I reckon. Lets see where Youtube takes me next.

Thank you for been part of my journey without Youtube I wouldn't have met you wierd internet types that I got addicted to. I was never like this, able to be more diverse and look at what people do from a different angle, I think the world should be forced to vlog it would be a better more open place.

Good Morning (if your reading this in a morning)

2009-03-07T10:13:00.002Z

Sup dudes!
ill never say that ever again.
Yeah so today is Elly's Birthday! shes coming round later but in the meanwhile I'm going to talk about life.
So this last weeks been really good as far as college has been concerned I went the whole week without missing a lesson at college making my first ever 100% college week, now for a lot of people that's not that impressive but for anyone that knows me well, that's amazing for me! lol
College things are on the up, I handed in lots of coursework this week and I'm on top of the work I need to hand in this Friday. Things are looking up!

I've got some good videos for March in the pipeline and I'll film them when I find the time, I'm really enjoying life at the moment, a few weeks months ago I was quite low about things not getting up for college, not doing work, been generally unpleasant and giving people a bit of grief for no reason. But over the last month actually things have been good and for those of you that like Elly updates lol, things are amazingly good =D

In fact lets talk about me and females.
People often say, ooo I was in love with them, and at the time you believe you are because you are a bit naive, now I was one of those people, I'd tell someone that and myself believe it, but I wasn't. I liked girls a lot although never as much as I thought. But this time I've found a girl that I can just make happy and there's no stupid little high school issue's. I was always really shy, never really had time for women to be honest, id rather play football every weekend.

OK I started this at half 10, its now 13.15 lol and I'm continuing, I went downstairs to start the meal I'm doing for Elly tonight =D I'm such a nice boyfriend sometimes =D but she deserves it tbh.

Right I'm done. I could have wrote lots more in this blog but I shall save it for later :)

Speak soon
Ben

Goals

2009-03-02T21:58:00.002Z

To have passed my Science
To get put on another SPACE course. Coaching for you none sport types =D lol
To secure myself a summer job
To make sure Elly has a lovely birthday =D
To make sure all my coursework is up to date
To make sure I have an above 92% average attendence for the month
To get 500 youtube subscribers. Help? lol
To make atleast 2 amazing videos!
To smile more
To make sure that I keep an open mind
To lose weight
To take the Mcfly posters down from my wall that I put up for a lovehate video

All this by the end of March! wooooooop wish me luck guys and girls!

Benjy

Hello Again.

2009-03-01T21:35:00.006Z

Remember this blog...?

So it's been a while hasn't it. It was the middle of January when I properly did a blog spoke about my feelings let things out. and Well the last 3 months this blogs been inactive, I check in everyday to look at the people I take an interest in and see if they've updated but as far as myself writing on here, i havent. I've have lots to talk about, but just haven't.

Right then you may or may not have been wondering whats been going on in my life, this blog is going to be quite long i think so bare with it you may just learn something.

So i'm going to start from January the 1st although I imagine ill have spoken about in previously but it was a while ago so im going to jog my memory aswell as yours.

So January, well it started off really well I had New Year in Lincoln with Elly and family and it was a lovely time had by all. Me and Elly went to London aswell, I was going to blog about it but ended up not doing as we didnt do anything although it was one of the best days out ive ever had with anyone. In the middle of January I did a mini rant about Youtube community and how it was falling apart etc, i've moved on from that, just to be clear, I no longer have a problem with anyone each to their own and people are and always have been free to do what they like, its just a website but its alot like High School people will know what I mean. Anyway that issue has gone.

I felt uninspired for abit, just didnt care gave up if you like. i had just over a month off then came back, made 3 videos and enjoyed editing them etc, was good funs, also I love making videos for thelovehatesociety I like a different audience and it gives me an objective plus its nice been on a channel with 6 people I respect and like :)

Lets talk about College so for those of you that don't know, last year I went to college and by the time we got to February I didnt enjoy it and wanted to leave, so did, i wasnt concentrating in classes basically gave up on education didnt really have a reason to be there choose the wrong subjects and to much going on elsewhere and my attendence was terrible
BUT.
This year I went back within the first week met Elly who i've been with ever since and im in classes with people I actually like I can be myself abit more which is nice.
Recently I've let my attendence slip abit which is mainly because im to lazy to go in some days and dont like buses! lol also ive been ill recently had toothache but things built up and Im now on Dismissal, that basically means if i miss another lesson until easter then ill be asked to leave the college and banished forever never to return again, which would be shit. Sooo im not letting that happen, im focusing abit better and looking forward to been there to complete the year.
Also on the friday just gone I passed my Level 1 badminton coaching award which is really rather good =D

That sort of brings me to now, other things have happened but thats all I can think of at the moment.

Thank you to all of those people that help me with things when I get bugged about stupid things or just listen, and to all of those people from Youtube and Home life that ive fell out of touch with in the last few months im sorry, I'll be making an effort to talk to you all again soon, i hope you'll talk back =D

Speak Soon
Benjy

Carpark's and vending machines

2009-02-16T17:01:00.001Z

Next video is about Phobia's
Benjy

Inspired again.

2009-02-15T21:05:00.002Z

I don't know how or why or when.
But yesterday i started scripting videos, and the material is quite good.
(I never think my materials that good)

I'm back then it seems, although a lot of people said I never went away.

Lets hope this carrys on.

Speak Soon
Benjy

UnInspired

2009-02-03T17:13:00.002Z

I understand the title has to many capitals.

I just dont care at the moment, I don't no what I want at the moment the only thing I can 100% say im happy with right now is been with my girlfriend Elly.

Shes in Amsterdam at the moment which is abit sad as I miss her at the moment.
Mums gone to Leeds to see my Grandma who's having a kidney Op this week.
And college is a bit boring dull pointless. And to be honest I dont like been there at the moment, this happened last year, just alot worse. I hope it will all pass sooner rather than later because I know i need to be there.

Youtube to me is a distraction, a distraction that isn't needed at the current time. Ive views on certain things that I'm not going to talk about right now.
Stickam and BlogTv died for me, dont find them interesting anymore. I was going to do a show tonight but thought nobody would come so why bother sitting there talking to yourself.

You know what I dont know what to write from now on so I guess ill stop there.

I Love Yahoo Answers

2009-02-02T16:54:00.001Z

Someone just asked this question.

'Any Ideas What To Get A Boy For Valentines Day??Help Please=]?'

My mature and honest reply was this......

'Boys secretly love tables, my girlfriend got me one once I was so pleased with it, the wood was of excellent quality. I still eat my tea on it today.

Best gift I have EVER recieved

Go for the table its the right choice.

Good luck'

Is it wrong that i gain pleasure from this!

London

2009-01-18T13:55:00.003Z

I went there yesterday,
Hope the people that went to Sheffield had a good time!

Ill right more later im soooo tired.

Benjy